Window Shopping for Dates

This summer, I decided to try something new. Frustrated with my love live and lack of viable options in my social circle, I opened a dating profile on OkCupid. The site is free and I had heard good things about it from my extended grad school network. And apparently, many of my high school and college friends were into it too.

What I learned was, I'm not ready for my love life to be mediated through the net. These digital profiles that we craft seem so superficial. I'm not going to lie; I judge a profile on looks first always. If I think that guy is attractive, I might look at his profile. If you're a redhead and you message me, I probably won't message you back. (Sorry, just not my thang). If you are over 35 or bald, I won't message you back.

I may sound terribly shallow, but there's just a certain something about meeting someone in person and getting to know that appeals to me. I never did meet any of these potential suitors in real life and maybe I'm a picky bitch and I wasted some great opportunities. Then again, what opportunities could I find with someone named SugarDaddee who asked me if I was a "desert person?"

Maybe someday I will return to this realm. I know plenty of people who met their significant other online. Props to them, they are far braver people than I.

Will you be my group?

In this period of digital personas and "circles" of friends, I find myself craving a real-life cadre of amigos. While the virtual crew offers it benefits, there's no substitute for a good old-fashioned hang-out with your people (unless all the people in one of my circles spontaneously spring into the Thriller dance over Google Chat one day). The kinds of hang outs where you're doing absolutely nothing, but in the company of people you feel comfortable with, it becomes something.

This summer has been a lesson in independence. Independence, you say, Divs, you're always doing shit on your own. Don't I know it. But usually good friends are just around the corner. This summer, for the first time since mid-high school, I don't have a core group of friends to surround myself with. I find myself at the beach staring at the packs of foreign students who travel together wishing I could be a part of something like that.

Mostly, that's because I'm in Boston. And my closest friends are not so geographically close, completely scattered around the country.

And when you use your friends to substitute other lacking relationships in your life - familial, or let's face it, romantic - that can be a problem. As many of my dearest friends ignite new flames, or grow their continuing relationships, I am left flying solo.

So, while I use this summer to work on me and continue to mature (yuck, that's what happens when you turn 25), I can't help but reminisce about the completely ridiculous times I shared with my CAPA friends, Chambana roommates, Condo Crew and Comm Cabal (holy crap, alliteration!).