Wednesday, April 30, 2008
And the paranoia begins
Today, when I was sitting in class, my left earring started to bug me. I think it was bugging me this morning too, but I thought I had gotten it caught in my shirt when I was dressing. I took my earring out and found a lumpity-lumpy. WHAAATT?? I'm a bit disturbed by it. I'm hoping it's some sort of pimple thing, but it feels like a fat deposit? It's sort of smarting right now, cuz I kept poking at it. Have I always had this?????? I feel like this is a reaction to the metal in my earring. But I'm pretty sure I haven't changed out of my gold and diamond star earrings for weeks. I have pretty sensitive skin of late. All of freshman year I was freaked out cuz I had bumps all over neck and I thought I had some sort of skin disease/cancer. Turns out I'm just allergic to a lot of shit. Like shampoo and conditioner but Selsun Blue makes my hair have the most gross texture, so I refuse to use it. So, yes, what I'm hoping is that I'm just reacting poorly to the new shampoo I bought or the new facial powder I bought this week. Anyhow, I'm going to lay off the earrings for a while and see what develops ...
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
And another thing
My lack of focus can also be attributed to the fact that I will be turning 22 on Saturday. How did I get to be an adult? I am scurred of 22. 21 was exciting and fun. It sounds funny but the fact that you can buy alcohol on your own (meaning you are no longer excluded from that section of the grocery store) made me feel like I had finally achieved adult freedom. 22 is rather blah. When I reflect on the age 22, I realize there are so many things younger me expected to have happened by now (I certainly didn't think my romantic life would be like this ...).
Kelly and I are planning to have a big affair, a double-birthday celebration extravaganza, combined with an end-of-the-year/end-of-schooling bash. I hope I can squeeze every drop of goodness left in this year! I want that high to carry me when I'm slumming around at home, sitting at my parents' desktop with my pajamas on, chipping away at the job search.
So, my mind is wandering even more.
Kelly and I are planning to have a big affair, a double-birthday celebration extravaganza, combined with an end-of-the-year/end-of-schooling bash. I hope I can squeeze every drop of goodness left in this year! I want that high to carry me when I'm slumming around at home, sitting at my parents' desktop with my pajamas on, chipping away at the job search.
So, my mind is wandering even more.
Head On Collision
So, I hope this image turns out. I'm feeling that my blog is lacking some visual pizazz.
As predicted, I prefer to update my blog rather than to complete my final papers. My German teacher extended our paper another day. He shouldn't have done that. Now I have less incentive and am more inclined to other things. And yet, I really should have this paper turned in Thursday, so I can focus on my other finals. The good news: I have almost 2/10 pages. However, they'll probably end up cut out, so that's not as exciting as it sounds. I always write pages over and then cut out all the bs. Probably this time, my paper will just be bs.
Twas my last German cinema meeting. I feel so old, there's only one or two other seniors in class.
We discussed this movie we saw last week, called "Head On." I hope to give it a more thorough review when I have time to give it justice. But, here's the short version: It's a film about Turkish-German identities. The main characters, Sibel and Cahit are destructive, self-injurers. They get married so Sibel can trick her parents out of her traditional style and since, they don't really like each other, they can go around as free agents, sleeping with whomever they wish.
The problem is that they eventually the fall in love. But, since neither character knows who they are, their romance is doomed. Cahit and Sibel are separated and the only place they can be together is in an almost fictional space - Istanbul - a familiar city, but one they have no ties to. Funny thing is, we were having a discussion about the idea of the immigrant returning to the motherland. My class think it's a romantic, perfect solution. I raised my hand and said that it's just too optimistic because the homeland is an idealized, nostalgic idea and not a real place. When you get back home, you will see that you're identity has been permanently changed and that your home is not static, it will have changed as well. At that point, my German teacher proceeded to ask me if I was first-generation, or if my parents had immigrated and what I personally felt about returning home. That was kind of awkward, that whole class just sort of stared at me as he asked me a slew of questions, but he's a nice guy. Coming from another culture, his questions didn't bug me. He said he doesn't think he could return to Germany either.
We also Skype-interviewed the director of a short film called "Fear Eats the Soul." The strange thing was that the director was Iranian and could only speak Persian and German. So my teacher spoke to him in German and then would translate. It was cute because he'd forget who he was talking to and ask the director questions in English and address us in German. I'm not sure where the short film is distributed, but it's an intense viewing experience. It's based on the director's real-life experience as an actor, in this play based on Fassbinder's famous "Ali: Fear Eat the Soul," about prejudice against Turks in Germany. Ironically, on his way to the theatre, the director was the victim of a neo-Nazi hate crime. I'm glad he was able to turn that painful experience into something positive: a film that can teach people about how ridiculous violence is and how wrong our stereotypes are.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Bittersweet Symphony
Hello readers,
I skipped a day of posting! Whoops. With finals creeping up on me later this week, I'll either be posting less because I'll be utilizing my time well, or I'll be posting more because I'm freaking out/anxious about various things.
Tonight was the last meeting of my magazine group, the Green Observer, for the year. My ladies and I met up for an end-of-the-year dinner. We went to Za's because it was damn cold (according to weather.com, it felt like the 20s outside!!!) and demanded bread bowls. But they were out so I consoled myself with a bowl of soup and half of a chicken pesto panini. The panini was made on their garlic bread, and it was ridiculously hard to eat. I had to cut it up and fork it. As we walked out into the rain, it really hit me that college is effectively over. I feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience whenever someone asks me what I plan to do with the rest of my life. Anyway, I've given so much to this magazine in the last three years (but mainly, a good deal in the last two) that I'm going to miss being in charge of my own publication. I like not being a part of the corporate machine, being an independent source. Yes, less people read us. But, at the same time, we get a lot of unexpected respect. I hope, hope, hope the girls can up with the magazine. As I've said before, G!O was my child this year. I want her to grow and mature into a publication that is known across campus, not just in environmental circles. I don't know for certain if this will happen, but I just don't want her to die early. And like a mother, I feel bad about letting her go, abandoning her.
So, I went to work at the buzz feeling nostalgic about that. Walked home and had an argument with my mother, as usual. Sometimes I convince myself that money is not important; happiness and passion are the only things that matter. Hell, I've never had enough money for the things I've wanted (though usually for the things I've needed) so I figure I can live with it. But, there are times, like right now, where I wish that I could have a little bit of extra money (or at least that my parents had some savings) so I wouldn't have to spend all my time worrying about not being able to afford things. I try not to let my friends see it but I basically freak out every time I spend more than $10. Even if it's on something useful, I feel so guilty spending money when I know I'm going to be screwed later. I truly think I've been so independent because I know what it is to scrimp, scrounge and struggle at times. I'd rather be like this than be one of the many who have things handed to them. Yet, I still get jealous when people who don't have to work as hard as I do have their expectations of not having to do anything but having everything come to them fulfilled. Basically, my mom is pressuring me to figure out a room renting situation, because I (we - though I pay my own rent) can't afford to lose a lot of money from my apartment this summer. What if I get a job and need to rent an apartment in Chicago? Unless I get paid a lottt up front (doubt that with media positions), I will have squat with others. BAHHHHHHHHH!
Anyway, I'm probably going on and on now because I'd rather not work on my papers. I wrote one huge intro paragraph so far (though half of it was already written because of my abstract), but I'm hoping to spend the entire day tomorrow focusing on the paper.
I skipped a day of posting! Whoops. With finals creeping up on me later this week, I'll either be posting less because I'll be utilizing my time well, or I'll be posting more because I'm freaking out/anxious about various things.
Tonight was the last meeting of my magazine group, the Green Observer, for the year. My ladies and I met up for an end-of-the-year dinner. We went to Za's because it was damn cold (according to weather.com, it felt like the 20s outside!!!) and demanded bread bowls. But they were out so I consoled myself with a bowl of soup and half of a chicken pesto panini. The panini was made on their garlic bread, and it was ridiculously hard to eat. I had to cut it up and fork it. As we walked out into the rain, it really hit me that college is effectively over. I feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience whenever someone asks me what I plan to do with the rest of my life. Anyway, I've given so much to this magazine in the last three years (but mainly, a good deal in the last two) that I'm going to miss being in charge of my own publication. I like not being a part of the corporate machine, being an independent source. Yes, less people read us. But, at the same time, we get a lot of unexpected respect. I hope, hope, hope the girls can up with the magazine. As I've said before, G!O was my child this year. I want her to grow and mature into a publication that is known across campus, not just in environmental circles. I don't know for certain if this will happen, but I just don't want her to die early. And like a mother, I feel bad about letting her go, abandoning her.
So, I went to work at the buzz feeling nostalgic about that. Walked home and had an argument with my mother, as usual. Sometimes I convince myself that money is not important; happiness and passion are the only things that matter. Hell, I've never had enough money for the things I've wanted (though usually for the things I've needed) so I figure I can live with it. But, there are times, like right now, where I wish that I could have a little bit of extra money (or at least that my parents had some savings) so I wouldn't have to spend all my time worrying about not being able to afford things. I try not to let my friends see it but I basically freak out every time I spend more than $10. Even if it's on something useful, I feel so guilty spending money when I know I'm going to be screwed later. I truly think I've been so independent because I know what it is to scrimp, scrounge and struggle at times. I'd rather be like this than be one of the many who have things handed to them. Yet, I still get jealous when people who don't have to work as hard as I do have their expectations of not having to do anything but having everything come to them fulfilled. Basically, my mom is pressuring me to figure out a room renting situation, because I (we - though I pay my own rent) can't afford to lose a lot of money from my apartment this summer. What if I get a job and need to rent an apartment in Chicago? Unless I get paid a lottt up front (doubt that with media positions), I will have squat with others. BAHHHHHHHHH!
Anyway, I'm probably going on and on now because I'd rather not work on my papers. I wrote one huge intro paragraph so far (though half of it was already written because of my abstract), but I'm hoping to spend the entire day tomorrow focusing on the paper.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
update
Hi guys,
Here's the news:
Last night, I attempted to go to the B.J. Novak performance on the Quad with Michelle. I watched the weather report and saw that it was going to rain, so Michelle and I decided we'd get there early because according to the one flyer I found for the event, if it was going to rain, the show would be moved into the Union and seating would be limited. We arrived a few minutes before a half an hour early and when we got there, we discovered that the Union was already at capacity. The Office is funny, but I couldn't help but wonder whether these people had actually waited in line for two hours to see his stand-up routine. Probably not worth it. That was a let down, but we got over it quickly.
Michelle and I used to go on what I like to refer to as "adventures" freshman year. She'd drive us around the cities and Savoy and wherever else in the area and we'd fall upon places to go. And we would stalk our favorite performers when they played shows in town. (In fact, that was what we were planning to do with Mr. Novak.) We basically fell out of that pattern after freshman year, but last night we had a return to that time.
We checked out Cakes on Walnut, the new cupcakery in downtown Champaign. I had the salted caramel cupcake (large) and she had strawberry balsamic (large). Salted caramel had a pretty presentation: chocolate cake, light frosting, piece of brittle on top. Strawberry balsmic was white cake, strawberry frosting with balsamic vinegar drizzled across the top. They both cost $3.25. Salted caramel was OK, but it didn't really taste like caramel, so I don't think it was worth $3.25. They were rather large cakes, so it was tasty, but since it is the first week, I don't think the bakery has perfected its methods yet. It was also Ebertfest this week, so demand for cupcakes was high. We were there for an hour maybe, and when we left, they had pretty much ran out of stock. The Roobush tea was good though. For $2, I thought it was worth the cup. I would definitely recommend Cakes for a date. Get your man to buy you a cupcake meal, that'll be hot. They have wine and liquors there too, so I predict that it will become a new downtown hotspot (They're open 'til midnight too).
We realized we needed substantial food so we headed over to Seven Saints. It was pouring outside but exhilarating to just wander around and end up wherever we ended. We ordered Magic Hat #9 beer and appetizers. The chicken tenders were huge! I could not finish them. They were crunchy on the outside (slightly charred looking) and incredibly moist on the inside. Perfect. We also got the hummus plate, and it was good for a bar. The whole thing cost $10. The service was amazing; our waitress checked on us a lot and she was also a preschool teacher who happened to have a student named Divya! If you never been and you're downtown, check it out.
Today, Christine, Kelly and I went to EuroMart for their 4th anniversary celebration. As soon as we were inside the door, we were offered up a plate of samosas and baklava. The samosas were not warm but they were large and satisfying. The baklava was sweet and not toooo sticky. We also had some Japanese apricot juice. Yum yum yum. As we wandered further in, we fell upon the deli area, where samples of cheese, olives, spreads and sweets were set up. The sage cheese is amazing! I tried it the other day at Environmental Horizons and it lived up to what I remembered. I had some almond Gouda, that was great too. I tasted my way through that line and everything met my expectations. A perfect free lunch!
From EuroMart, the three of us trekked over to Illinois Terminal. We walked across grassy knolls and train tracks and wandered and wandered, but we got over there eventually. We went to Target of course. I bought sandals (for $16, kinda expensive, might return them if I find something better), Loreal makeup powder (I haaate liquid makeup) and $.95 nail polish. What is important about that trip is that over in the summer aisle, they have Cynthia Rowley alcoholic beverage mixes. On the largest bottle (I believe its premade margarita), we saw a terrifying sticker. "Warning: this drink contains bromate, which in California, has been found to cause cancer." Who in their right mind would buy something that says it'll give you a cancer????? So heads-up, Cynthia Rowley drinks could kill you. Just say no.
Here's the news:
Last night, I attempted to go to the B.J. Novak performance on the Quad with Michelle. I watched the weather report and saw that it was going to rain, so Michelle and I decided we'd get there early because according to the one flyer I found for the event, if it was going to rain, the show would be moved into the Union and seating would be limited. We arrived a few minutes before a half an hour early and when we got there, we discovered that the Union was already at capacity. The Office is funny, but I couldn't help but wonder whether these people had actually waited in line for two hours to see his stand-up routine. Probably not worth it. That was a let down, but we got over it quickly.
Michelle and I used to go on what I like to refer to as "adventures" freshman year. She'd drive us around the cities and Savoy and wherever else in the area and we'd fall upon places to go. And we would stalk our favorite performers when they played shows in town. (In fact, that was what we were planning to do with Mr. Novak.) We basically fell out of that pattern after freshman year, but last night we had a return to that time.
We checked out Cakes on Walnut, the new cupcakery in downtown Champaign. I had the salted caramel cupcake (large) and she had strawberry balsamic (large). Salted caramel had a pretty presentation: chocolate cake, light frosting, piece of brittle on top. Strawberry balsmic was white cake, strawberry frosting with balsamic vinegar drizzled across the top. They both cost $3.25. Salted caramel was OK, but it didn't really taste like caramel, so I don't think it was worth $3.25. They were rather large cakes, so it was tasty, but since it is the first week, I don't think the bakery has perfected its methods yet. It was also Ebertfest this week, so demand for cupcakes was high. We were there for an hour maybe, and when we left, they had pretty much ran out of stock. The Roobush tea was good though. For $2, I thought it was worth the cup. I would definitely recommend Cakes for a date. Get your man to buy you a cupcake meal, that'll be hot. They have wine and liquors there too, so I predict that it will become a new downtown hotspot (They're open 'til midnight too).
We realized we needed substantial food so we headed over to Seven Saints. It was pouring outside but exhilarating to just wander around and end up wherever we ended. We ordered Magic Hat #9 beer and appetizers. The chicken tenders were huge! I could not finish them. They were crunchy on the outside (slightly charred looking) and incredibly moist on the inside. Perfect. We also got the hummus plate, and it was good for a bar. The whole thing cost $10. The service was amazing; our waitress checked on us a lot and she was also a preschool teacher who happened to have a student named Divya! If you never been and you're downtown, check it out.
Today, Christine, Kelly and I went to EuroMart for their 4th anniversary celebration. As soon as we were inside the door, we were offered up a plate of samosas and baklava. The samosas were not warm but they were large and satisfying. The baklava was sweet and not toooo sticky. We also had some Japanese apricot juice. Yum yum yum. As we wandered further in, we fell upon the deli area, where samples of cheese, olives, spreads and sweets were set up. The sage cheese is amazing! I tried it the other day at Environmental Horizons and it lived up to what I remembered. I had some almond Gouda, that was great too. I tasted my way through that line and everything met my expectations. A perfect free lunch!
From EuroMart, the three of us trekked over to Illinois Terminal. We walked across grassy knolls and train tracks and wandered and wandered, but we got over there eventually. We went to Target of course. I bought sandals (for $16, kinda expensive, might return them if I find something better), Loreal makeup powder (I haaate liquid makeup) and $.95 nail polish. What is important about that trip is that over in the summer aisle, they have Cynthia Rowley alcoholic beverage mixes. On the largest bottle (I believe its premade margarita), we saw a terrifying sticker. "Warning: this drink contains bromate, which in California, has been found to cause cancer." Who in their right mind would buy something that says it'll give you a cancer????? So heads-up, Cynthia Rowley drinks could kill you. Just say no.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Some random notions ...
Oh ya, another free thing.
Tomorrow, EuroMart (on Springfield, if you take a left on 1st Street) is having an all-day anniversary celebration. So, according to this "flyer" they gave me when I visited for my first and only time (though I highly recommend checking out the store just for fun and for some amazing international foods), during the day tomorrow, they'll be serving samosas, beverages and sweets. And a certain number of people get a supply of cheese, or chocolate, or maybe both. Prrrretty cool, if you ask me.
AND in case you're in the dark, Krannert Uncorked goes down pretty much every Thursday. They advertise every other Thursday starting at 5, but seems like the event has really caught on and now they have them most Thursdays; there's free vino (if you're over 21 of course), and you can purchase glasses of it for $2-3. Delicious cheese plates as well.
On the note of free things, I wish I could get a free pair o' shoes. I NEED sandals, but I don't want flip-flops. I wish I could transport to Target, get everything I need, and just fly back home.
Tomorrow, EuroMart (on Springfield, if you take a left on 1st Street) is having an all-day anniversary celebration. So, according to this "flyer" they gave me when I visited for my first and only time (though I highly recommend checking out the store just for fun and for some amazing international foods), during the day tomorrow, they'll be serving samosas, beverages and sweets. And a certain number of people get a supply of cheese, or chocolate, or maybe both. Prrrretty cool, if you ask me.
AND in case you're in the dark, Krannert Uncorked goes down pretty much every Thursday. They advertise every other Thursday starting at 5, but seems like the event has really caught on and now they have them most Thursdays; there's free vino (if you're over 21 of course), and you can purchase glasses of it for $2-3. Delicious cheese plates as well.
On the note of free things, I wish I could get a free pair o' shoes. I NEED sandals, but I don't want flip-flops. I wish I could transport to Target, get everything I need, and just fly back home.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Grrreeeeeen!
The Green Observer has a site.
It's at:
http://gomag.wordpress.com/
I know wordpress is blogspot's competitor but you can upload pdfs there and not here so eh.
That is all.
It's at:
http://gomag.wordpress.com/
I know wordpress is blogspot's competitor but you can upload pdfs there and not here so eh.
That is all.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Free Shtuff
Today was gorg. I adore wearing skirts, even though my legs are gross ... who cares? The feel of a skirt brushing against your legs is sexy. :)
Christine and I snuck into Environmental Horizons and snacked on a cheese platter (I wonder if it was from EuroMart?) of some sort of spinach-y cheese, a mustard seed cheese, creamy cheese log and more! There were also veggies and dip, eggs rolls and some tiny but satisfying sandwiches. I love how we snuck in the backdoor and got and line and ate and nobody questioned us. Technically, I think anybody can go, and I mean I did publicize the event in the Green Observer, so no harm done, right?
Enviro. Horizons continues tomorrow, so go get yourself some free food and check out posters detailing NRES projects, and visit with the environmental groups on campus.
I love scamming on things. I know that once I graduate, I'm not getting anything for free, so I decided a long time ago to take advantage of any free thing that comes in my way. I ought to visit Cosmopolitan Coffee Hour for a free ethnic meal (I heard that Puerto Rican night was grrreat.).
Ryan from the Office will be performing for free on the Quad Friday night.
I'll let ya know when I hear of some more free shite.
Christine and I snuck into Environmental Horizons and snacked on a cheese platter (I wonder if it was from EuroMart?) of some sort of spinach-y cheese, a mustard seed cheese, creamy cheese log and more! There were also veggies and dip, eggs rolls and some tiny but satisfying sandwiches. I love how we snuck in the backdoor and got and line and ate and nobody questioned us. Technically, I think anybody can go, and I mean I did publicize the event in the Green Observer, so no harm done, right?
Enviro. Horizons continues tomorrow, so go get yourself some free food and check out posters detailing NRES projects, and visit with the environmental groups on campus.
I love scamming on things. I know that once I graduate, I'm not getting anything for free, so I decided a long time ago to take advantage of any free thing that comes in my way. I ought to visit Cosmopolitan Coffee Hour for a free ethnic meal (I heard that Puerto Rican night was grrreat.).
Ryan from the Office will be performing for free on the Quad Friday night.
I'll let ya know when I hear of some more free shite.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
yay
A happy post for a change ...
It's Earth Day! It's gloriously warm out (at least in Central Illinois)! Enjoy your day/evening! I definitely walked around a lot today instead of attacking that mountain of work I have to do. Whatevs, right? One cannot ignore Mother Nature's call.
One sad thing, in honor of the warmth and Earth Day, I was going to recommend Banana Boat's Suntanicals lotions. Smells of lavender and is good for your body, yay! But alas, BB has discontinued it. I would recommend Kiss My Face in its stead . . . they make products that are good for your body, good for the Earth and don't cost a whole lot of money.
It's Earth Day! It's gloriously warm out (at least in Central Illinois)! Enjoy your day/evening! I definitely walked around a lot today instead of attacking that mountain of work I have to do. Whatevs, right? One cannot ignore Mother Nature's call.
One sad thing, in honor of the warmth and Earth Day, I was going to recommend Banana Boat's Suntanicals lotions. Smells of lavender and is good for your body, yay! But alas, BB has discontinued it. I would recommend Kiss My Face in its stead . . . they make products that are good for your body, good for the Earth and don't cost a whole lot of money.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Accepting who I am
Dear Web log readers,
Because I'm about 2.5 weeks from graduation (holy shit!), I've sort of regressed to this state that I was in freshman year: having the whole quarter-life crisis thing. I wonder who am I really? What am I meant to do? What AM I DOING? Where am I going? Etc., etc., etc.
I've never had the attention span to keep a diary before. I'm sure that it's the interactivity of the online world that has my interest. Who knows who could be reading this? Probably no one outside a core group of friends, but still the possibility is thrilling. The last time I had attempted to keep a journal, my only entry was from 10-or-12 year-old me wondering why my parents wouldn't just get divorced already.
Anyhow, today at the buzz, I had an epiphany. Even though I consider myself to be a somewhat self-assured, independent woman, I'm not the the fighter I imagine myself to be. What I mean is, I tried to cultivate this image that I really don't care what other people think of me, and for some periods of time every few years, I actually fool myself into thinking this way. But I really do want acceptance. I don't need constant validation or anything, but sometimes I really need to be inside, not outside the group.
My major frustrates me at times. I didn't work for the buzz until this year, and there were definitely times in the last three years I felt alienated and shut out because everyone in my class knew everybody else from work. (OK, there probably were a lot of others like me but, you'd never realize that when you're feeling alone.) Journalists can be very cliquey, especially the ones who work for publications. Well ... alright the whole world is cliquey, that middle school/high school thing never really goes away. But still, I expect to be treated a certain way. College relationships are so conditional; I figured that once I shared a week of bonding with the kids at work in NYC (who I might add, I've had classes with more than half of them with), that we would be able to talk to each other on the same level. But alas, apparently we were only trip friends, not work friends.
This neediness in my personality bothers me. I make fun of other people for it. Truth is, I need people around to talk to, bounce ideas off of, reassure me that I'm not completely insane. It used to be that my mother could be that person but as much as I love her, I've come to see the limitations in my relationship with her (ah yes, look forward to that exceedingly long posting about socialization). I wonder will I stay friends with my college buddies? Will they get new friends when they go off to grad school, law school, medical school, etc., and forget about me? Will I go insane with only my family for company at home, but further my issues by acting out the same conversations with them over and over?
I don't know. What I know is, I was a happy kid when I lived in a working-class apartment building. I ran wild with the rainbow of neighborhood children (mostly shades of brown, but everyone was on the same level). We were friends no matter what, regardless of our different backgrounds. As our parents got a little bit more money, each family moved away. I was one of the last to go. My parents needed to upgrade from our 2-bedroom apartment to our 3-bedroom house once my brother was born. We saw all these kids chilling in the neighborhood when we were looking at the house; my parents thought I would make friends easily. Somehow, we unknowingly moved into a terribly racist neighborhood. I like that my parents moved to Piper Ct., off of Pleasant Valley and Carefree Dr.; such happy suburban-esque sounding names to mask what I felt like growing up. When I showed up, not only was I the new kid, I was the only brown kid. Thankfully, the scene has changed with a more diverse crowd moving in in the last few years, but from ages 7-14, I was the butt of everybody's jokes.
I don't want to blend in with the crowd, but sometimes, I just want recognition. I hate to be that 7 year-old-girl who the other kids don't want to play with.
Sorry for the heavy, sad rant.
To counteract, things that made me happy today: the sun, the warmth, magnolias and cherry blossoms, a proposed dinner for the final Green Observer meeting, watching an engaging documentary on Red Power in my Native American History class (Alcatraz is Not an Island), receiving my allergy meds in the mail
Because I'm about 2.5 weeks from graduation (holy shit!), I've sort of regressed to this state that I was in freshman year: having the whole quarter-life crisis thing. I wonder who am I really? What am I meant to do? What AM I DOING? Where am I going? Etc., etc., etc.
I've never had the attention span to keep a diary before. I'm sure that it's the interactivity of the online world that has my interest. Who knows who could be reading this? Probably no one outside a core group of friends, but still the possibility is thrilling. The last time I had attempted to keep a journal, my only entry was from 10-or-12 year-old me wondering why my parents wouldn't just get divorced already.
Anyhow, today at the buzz, I had an epiphany. Even though I consider myself to be a somewhat self-assured, independent woman, I'm not the the fighter I imagine myself to be. What I mean is, I tried to cultivate this image that I really don't care what other people think of me, and for some periods of time every few years, I actually fool myself into thinking this way. But I really do want acceptance. I don't need constant validation or anything, but sometimes I really need to be inside, not outside the group.
My major frustrates me at times. I didn't work for the buzz until this year, and there were definitely times in the last three years I felt alienated and shut out because everyone in my class knew everybody else from work. (OK, there probably were a lot of others like me but, you'd never realize that when you're feeling alone.) Journalists can be very cliquey, especially the ones who work for publications. Well ... alright the whole world is cliquey, that middle school/high school thing never really goes away. But still, I expect to be treated a certain way. College relationships are so conditional; I figured that once I shared a week of bonding with the kids at work in NYC (who I might add, I've had classes with more than half of them with), that we would be able to talk to each other on the same level. But alas, apparently we were only trip friends, not work friends.
This neediness in my personality bothers me. I make fun of other people for it. Truth is, I need people around to talk to, bounce ideas off of, reassure me that I'm not completely insane. It used to be that my mother could be that person but as much as I love her, I've come to see the limitations in my relationship with her (ah yes, look forward to that exceedingly long posting about socialization). I wonder will I stay friends with my college buddies? Will they get new friends when they go off to grad school, law school, medical school, etc., and forget about me? Will I go insane with only my family for company at home, but further my issues by acting out the same conversations with them over and over?
I don't know. What I know is, I was a happy kid when I lived in a working-class apartment building. I ran wild with the rainbow of neighborhood children (mostly shades of brown, but everyone was on the same level). We were friends no matter what, regardless of our different backgrounds. As our parents got a little bit more money, each family moved away. I was one of the last to go. My parents needed to upgrade from our 2-bedroom apartment to our 3-bedroom house once my brother was born. We saw all these kids chilling in the neighborhood when we were looking at the house; my parents thought I would make friends easily. Somehow, we unknowingly moved into a terribly racist neighborhood. I like that my parents moved to Piper Ct., off of Pleasant Valley and Carefree Dr.; such happy suburban-esque sounding names to mask what I felt like growing up. When I showed up, not only was I the new kid, I was the only brown kid. Thankfully, the scene has changed with a more diverse crowd moving in in the last few years, but from ages 7-14, I was the butt of everybody's jokes.
I don't want to blend in with the crowd, but sometimes, I just want recognition. I hate to be that 7 year-old-girl who the other kids don't want to play with.
Sorry for the heavy, sad rant.
To counteract, things that made me happy today: the sun, the warmth, magnolias and cherry blossoms, a proposed dinner for the final Green Observer meeting, watching an engaging documentary on Red Power in my Native American History class (Alcatraz is Not an Island), receiving my allergy meds in the mail
Sunday, April 20, 2008
the last hurrah?
Last night, I had a lot of fun celebrating Maria's birthday. I went to SOMA for the first time, and while there, watched a bachelorette party get down. The bride-to-be grinded up on every man that came into her sight, including one of our party.
The scene reminded me of something my friend once said in reference to a groom-to-be friend. His fiancee didn't want him to go to a strip club or his friends to hire him a stripper, but my friend said to me that she believes men should have that chance to go crazy and get it out of their system. The idea that he should have his last hurrah, so to speak.
I'm all for equality. If men get lap dances from naked women (or ones in g-strings), us ladies should be allowed to visit the Sugar Shack (which I have, but not with a bridal party), and to get our skanky dance on. But ... if you really truly love someone/are ready to make that grand commitment, why do you need to have that last hurrah? To sew your last wild seeds? I mean, why are we expected to stay at home every night and go to sleep by 10 when we are married. And if you really really are ready to be married, then why should the idea of the ultimate commitment bother you and make you freak out about never having a crazy good time again? I say, the hurrahs should not stop once you're married. Just because you pledge to spend your life with some one doesn't mean you have to give up all sociableness. Plus, I highly doubt that you could stop finding other men/women attractive just because you are married.
So hurrah it up!
The scene reminded me of something my friend once said in reference to a groom-to-be friend. His fiancee didn't want him to go to a strip club or his friends to hire him a stripper, but my friend said to me that she believes men should have that chance to go crazy and get it out of their system. The idea that he should have his last hurrah, so to speak.
I'm all for equality. If men get lap dances from naked women (or ones in g-strings), us ladies should be allowed to visit the Sugar Shack (which I have, but not with a bridal party), and to get our skanky dance on. But ... if you really truly love someone/are ready to make that grand commitment, why do you need to have that last hurrah? To sew your last wild seeds? I mean, why are we expected to stay at home every night and go to sleep by 10 when we are married. And if you really really are ready to be married, then why should the idea of the ultimate commitment bother you and make you freak out about never having a crazy good time again? I say, the hurrahs should not stop once you're married. Just because you pledge to spend your life with some one doesn't mean you have to give up all sociableness. Plus, I highly doubt that you could stop finding other men/women attractive just because you are married.
So hurrah it up!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Reflections
So far, I've not done any of the serious journalistic reviewing I promised. I'm very sorry, clearly I can't get past talking about myself but as soon as I get over my class work slump, I will get a little serious (not too much).
I realized that next weekend is the last full weekend before everything explodes. Holy shit! Where did the last four years go? This week is a blur to me; every morning I get up and it dawns on me that a week has gone by (I swear it was just the weekend!!). The weekend after that - the first one in May - finals start. And of course, that Saturday, I have to have a final (on my birthday, lame!). Then, the next weekend is graduation. Sighhhhhh
I can already tell I'm going to go insane living at home. Just talking to my mother on the phone is getting exhausting. Found out yesterday that I get to graduate with honors, and that one of my teachers nominated me for a monetary award, so now I get $500 when I graduate. The $500 is pretty amazing, not gonna complain. BUT I know the reason I did so well isn't cuz I'm that much smarter than other people in Comm (now Media), it's because they all work for the DI and they don't have time to go to class/complete their assignments. I like this honor; I'm proud of it but a lot of times I wish I had taken that route. I got complacent because of my classes and I thought GO was enough. It's been a great editorial experience, but when it comes down to it, my clips are worthless. I wonder how I will get a job off of them. Sighhhhhh. I need to freelance like for free.
Honestly, I just need to find a way to profit.
Staying in Rockford was something I never considered as an option, but life snuck up on me and obviously, there's nothing else I can do than return home and apply for things from there. I do wish that I had at least gotten an internship at Chicago Magazine, something to bridge the gap. I looked up alternative media and blogging sites for Rockford and couldn't find any. There are so many here, how can there be absolutely nothing other than the Register Star there? If you guys know of any outlets I could write for at least near there and link this baby up to, let me know!
Leaving this campus scares me in many ways too. I feel like so many people are moving on, not too many friends will be left in the area. And the thought of moving somewhere new where I don't know anyone scares me too. How am I going to cover entertainment-type things if I have to attend them by myself? I saw this German movie, The Forest for the Trees, and it troubled me cuz it's about this woman who moves to a city for work, who has no friends in her new town. Her job overwhelms her and her loneliness consumes her. So depressing. I feel dependent in some ways, because though I like my privacy, I need to be in other people's company. When I worked at the Tribune and Maria had gone to Colombia, those two weeks were sometimes liberating, but also sad. I can't go all day without talking to someone. And how will I ever break the perpetually single cycle??? I dislike going to night-time spots by myself. And carless in Rockford, I surely will not meet anyone.
So not to get myself or you too down, I'm going to get out tonight and DANCE to my heart's content.
I realized that next weekend is the last full weekend before everything explodes. Holy shit! Where did the last four years go? This week is a blur to me; every morning I get up and it dawns on me that a week has gone by (I swear it was just the weekend!!). The weekend after that - the first one in May - finals start. And of course, that Saturday, I have to have a final (on my birthday, lame!). Then, the next weekend is graduation. Sighhhhhh
I can already tell I'm going to go insane living at home. Just talking to my mother on the phone is getting exhausting. Found out yesterday that I get to graduate with honors, and that one of my teachers nominated me for a monetary award, so now I get $500 when I graduate. The $500 is pretty amazing, not gonna complain. BUT I know the reason I did so well isn't cuz I'm that much smarter than other people in Comm (now Media), it's because they all work for the DI and they don't have time to go to class/complete their assignments. I like this honor; I'm proud of it but a lot of times I wish I had taken that route. I got complacent because of my classes and I thought GO was enough. It's been a great editorial experience, but when it comes down to it, my clips are worthless. I wonder how I will get a job off of them. Sighhhhhh. I need to freelance like for free.
Honestly, I just need to find a way to profit.
Staying in Rockford was something I never considered as an option, but life snuck up on me and obviously, there's nothing else I can do than return home and apply for things from there. I do wish that I had at least gotten an internship at Chicago Magazine, something to bridge the gap. I looked up alternative media and blogging sites for Rockford and couldn't find any. There are so many here, how can there be absolutely nothing other than the Register Star there? If you guys know of any outlets I could write for at least near there and link this baby up to, let me know!
Leaving this campus scares me in many ways too. I feel like so many people are moving on, not too many friends will be left in the area. And the thought of moving somewhere new where I don't know anyone scares me too. How am I going to cover entertainment-type things if I have to attend them by myself? I saw this German movie, The Forest for the Trees, and it troubled me cuz it's about this woman who moves to a city for work, who has no friends in her new town. Her job overwhelms her and her loneliness consumes her. So depressing. I feel dependent in some ways, because though I like my privacy, I need to be in other people's company. When I worked at the Tribune and Maria had gone to Colombia, those two weeks were sometimes liberating, but also sad. I can't go all day without talking to someone. And how will I ever break the perpetually single cycle??? I dislike going to night-time spots by myself. And carless in Rockford, I surely will not meet anyone.
So not to get myself or you too down, I'm going to get out tonight and DANCE to my heart's content.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Earthquake!
This morning, I was awoken by the sensation of my bed moving back and forth, away from the wall. It was a little bit after 4:30 a.m., so I thought that I was either hallucinating or dreaming, or both. A bit shaken up, I decided to go to the bathroom. Luckily, by the time I came out, all my roommates had gotten up as well, so they could confirm that I was not crazy.
Anyhow, I think that Madre Earth is very angry at us. Apparently, the last more than 5. Richter register was in the late 1800s. Scary indeed that the quake was in Salem, Ill. but felt as far as Georgia and Kansas! I know what we felt was nowhere like it was in Salem or parts of Indiana, I went on the USGS Web site, and apparently the severity for the location I was in was Level 3, which means weak. If a weak shake moves my bed like that, I hope that I never have to experience anything worse.
One aftershock came at about 10:15, just as I was getting up. Only one other roommate confirmed this one, but the dear old World Wide Web provided me with backup. Such a strange way to start the day, no? Especially a nice and sunny morning.
Anyhow, I think that Madre Earth is very angry at us. Apparently, the last more than 5. Richter register was in the late 1800s. Scary indeed that the quake was in Salem, Ill. but felt as far as Georgia and Kansas! I know what we felt was nowhere like it was in Salem or parts of Indiana, I went on the USGS Web site, and apparently the severity for the location I was in was Level 3, which means weak. If a weak shake moves my bed like that, I hope that I never have to experience anything worse.
One aftershock came at about 10:15, just as I was getting up. Only one other roommate confirmed this one, but the dear old World Wide Web provided me with backup. Such a strange way to start the day, no? Especially a nice and sunny morning.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
What's in a name?
Probably a lot more than you'd expect.
Once again, seems that my Fashion and Politics class is intersecting with my life. Yesterday, we discussed black girl hair, and how potentially every hairstyle can be seen as political, which reminded me of a conversation I had the other day about subtle acts of politics. We've always had it drilled into us that actions speak louder than words, and I have to say, though I am a wordswoman, this is so true.
Just as growing a 'fro can be intended as a way to show Black Pride and resist mainstream beauty expectations, giving your kid an ethnic name can function the same way.
It definitely saddens me that there is a new generation of Indo-American children who want to give their children assimilable names. So every girl gets named Anita or Sheela and the number of boys named Neal that I've met is not surprising. These names can pass for white. I do have to say, these are fine names, I'm not trying to diss them. Neal means blue, it's a descriptor for the Lord Krishna, he being the dark-skinned one. However, I hate hearing people say they want to give their kids a passing name, one that Americans can pronounce and will allow their kids to fit in in America. The thing is when we talk about assimilating to American culture, we're almost always talking about white America. I've never heard anyone saying they wanted to give their kids a name that "sounds black."
Speaking of black names, I think it's incredibly ignorant when I hear people criticizing "black names." You always hear that they sound funny, that the moms just make up the craziest names they can think of. What you don't hear is that the movement for giving kids unique names came about around the time of the Black Power movement, as a way of reclaiming names. I've read that women wanted to give their children names that sounded African, yet as they had been removed from Africa centuries ago and the masters had given their slaves more "acceptable" names, they had to improvise in many cases. And so these new names entered the lexicon. I respect this move for cultural reclamation. If people can name their children Apple, or whatever else the celebs call their kids, why should black people be called out for making up names for their children?
Getting back to what I was originally talking about, I used to hate that people could not pronounce my name. Now that I'm older, I absolutely love my name. It actually means something, and I'm proud of that. I'm actually surprised that everyone's first instinct is to just stare at my name and then say, "Deeevya Aamlady?" Not so much. The real way to pronounce my name is Dhivya Um-la-dee. I already anglicized my name to drop that "dh" sound but since "div" is naturally occurring in English (divide, divvy, diversify), who would have guessed it would be that hard to say?
Still, in my culture, at least with the Hindu Konkani ethnic group, names really stand for something. My name is Sanskrit for "divine." My brother Sandeep's name means "light." My mother Sona - her name is gold. These words are chosen to describe something about the child, or to bless the child. I couldn't be happier with my name, I aim to live up to it someday. So, like I said, names carry a lot more weight than you might think.
Once again, seems that my Fashion and Politics class is intersecting with my life. Yesterday, we discussed black girl hair, and how potentially every hairstyle can be seen as political, which reminded me of a conversation I had the other day about subtle acts of politics. We've always had it drilled into us that actions speak louder than words, and I have to say, though I am a wordswoman, this is so true.
Just as growing a 'fro can be intended as a way to show Black Pride and resist mainstream beauty expectations, giving your kid an ethnic name can function the same way.
It definitely saddens me that there is a new generation of Indo-American children who want to give their children assimilable names. So every girl gets named Anita or Sheela and the number of boys named Neal that I've met is not surprising. These names can pass for white. I do have to say, these are fine names, I'm not trying to diss them. Neal means blue, it's a descriptor for the Lord Krishna, he being the dark-skinned one. However, I hate hearing people say they want to give their kids a passing name, one that Americans can pronounce and will allow their kids to fit in in America. The thing is when we talk about assimilating to American culture, we're almost always talking about white America. I've never heard anyone saying they wanted to give their kids a name that "sounds black."
Speaking of black names, I think it's incredibly ignorant when I hear people criticizing "black names." You always hear that they sound funny, that the moms just make up the craziest names they can think of. What you don't hear is that the movement for giving kids unique names came about around the time of the Black Power movement, as a way of reclaiming names. I've read that women wanted to give their children names that sounded African, yet as they had been removed from Africa centuries ago and the masters had given their slaves more "acceptable" names, they had to improvise in many cases. And so these new names entered the lexicon. I respect this move for cultural reclamation. If people can name their children Apple, or whatever else the celebs call their kids, why should black people be called out for making up names for their children?
Getting back to what I was originally talking about, I used to hate that people could not pronounce my name. Now that I'm older, I absolutely love my name. It actually means something, and I'm proud of that. I'm actually surprised that everyone's first instinct is to just stare at my name and then say, "Deeevya Aamlady?" Not so much. The real way to pronounce my name is Dhivya Um-la-dee. I already anglicized my name to drop that "dh" sound but since "div" is naturally occurring in English (divide, divvy, diversify), who would have guessed it would be that hard to say?
Still, in my culture, at least with the Hindu Konkani ethnic group, names really stand for something. My name is Sanskrit for "divine." My brother Sandeep's name means "light." My mother Sona - her name is gold. These words are chosen to describe something about the child, or to bless the child. I couldn't be happier with my name, I aim to live up to it someday. So, like I said, names carry a lot more weight than you might think.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
It's hurrreee!
G!O is ooot. I couldn't post it here, bc pdfs are not accepted. WTF? I know it's kind of convoluted but until I get the GO site up, go to my personal Web space and click on the link for the paper. There were a lot of flaws with the color and some random strange things happened when it printed that I couldn't see on the pdf but this is muh baby!
sugar-coated racism?
Just a brief note ...
The new Mrs. Butterworth's commercial really disturbs me. The clearly black woman-shaped bottle goes on about how "dark" and "thick" she is. The fact that the black-woman bottle goes on about how thick she is, when Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth's were originally based on minstrelized imagery of the "Mamie" figure, as her insides are being poured onto some one's pancakes, is just plain stereotypical and creepy.
The new Mrs. Butterworth's commercial really disturbs me. The clearly black woman-shaped bottle goes on about how "dark" and "thick" she is. The fact that the black-woman bottle goes on about how thick she is, when Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth's were originally based on minstrelized imagery of the "Mamie" figure, as her insides are being poured onto some one's pancakes, is just plain stereotypical and creepy.
Woke up in the morning and the alarm was out of order
. . . So I never made it on time to my Media Law class. I love how I used to go to all my classes on time as an underclassmen, but now that I'm a senior I keep getting up at the wrong time. I hope this changes later. I had just assumed that the alarm would get me up before 9, because I have a class at 10 every morning, and therefore, never have to reset my alarm from the day before. So I just never check, which in today's case turned out not to be such a great thing, cuz my alarm got me up at 9:59. Whooops. Well, whatevs.
The pdfs finally worked at the printer! I got a confirmation e-mail this morning. Thank god, I would have gone crazy if I had to fix it today, though I suddenly ended up with a free mid-morning.
Well, as I was doing my daily checking e-mails thing, I had the TV turned on and MTV had a "True Life" something about living in NY. None of the people could afford living there and a few had to go back. Basically, it was my worst nightmare enacted. Screw what my professors say, I refuse to move there unless I know I'm going to have a decent enough paying job, so that my college loan debt doesn't dig me into a giant hole. And if one of my new NYC trip friends was to go too and share quarters with me, that'd be cool too ... a group of starving journalists to commiserate with.
The pdfs finally worked at the printer! I got a confirmation e-mail this morning. Thank god, I would have gone crazy if I had to fix it today, though I suddenly ended up with a free mid-morning.
Well, as I was doing my daily checking e-mails thing, I had the TV turned on and MTV had a "True Life" something about living in NY. None of the people could afford living there and a few had to go back. Basically, it was my worst nightmare enacted. Screw what my professors say, I refuse to move there unless I know I'm going to have a decent enough paying job, so that my college loan debt doesn't dig me into a giant hole. And if one of my new NYC trip friends was to go too and share quarters with me, that'd be cool too ... a group of starving journalists to commiserate with.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
grumble, grumble, mumble
Today, I am a terrible mood. Exhausted and irritated with everything and everyone, so please excuse me if I bark at you. This in-between school and "real life" transition thing is annoying right now, though I am sure I will miss it when I return home.
Even though I do want to achieve an editorial position at a magazine in the future, I'm tired of being in charge of the one here at school. Actually just being in charge of anything right now is getting me down. Being in charge, managing something, means you have to do all the work that nobody else wants to or will do, which for me means pretty much everything in all cases. While nobody seems to want to do anything, they somehow expect everything to be magically done.
Take the Green Observer for instance. Since we don't pay writers or editors, we don't have any real incentive to offer other than you get to put your passion for journalism to action. So, of course, even some of the more dedicated members fall off the wagon at times, because I understand that school can get trying. However, I'm in the senior-most position and also the group member with the most taxing school status; I'm the only one actually graduating and leaving the campus. Clearly, things are hectic for me too but I recognize that if I don't do it, nothing will ever be accomplished. So, I've spent the last two weeks designing at least 90% of the magazine. The publication of the next issue will be like the birth of that child; it better look as amazing as it does on my computer screen. When it's done, I will post a link to either the GO Web site or my own Web site so you can all take a look at it, or if you're on campus, look for us around town starting (hopefully) tomorrow!
My brain is frazzled at this point. The state of my life now is summed up by my room composition: just piles of books and DVDs spilling all over, notes about jobs I need to be applying for and loose-leaf sheets of paper scattered about, where I started doing research but was never able to complete anything.
Tomorrow, I hope to be in a better mood. I've been promising reviews, so I need to get on writing them.
Even though I do want to achieve an editorial position at a magazine in the future, I'm tired of being in charge of the one here at school. Actually just being in charge of anything right now is getting me down. Being in charge, managing something, means you have to do all the work that nobody else wants to or will do, which for me means pretty much everything in all cases. While nobody seems to want to do anything, they somehow expect everything to be magically done.
Take the Green Observer for instance. Since we don't pay writers or editors, we don't have any real incentive to offer other than you get to put your passion for journalism to action. So, of course, even some of the more dedicated members fall off the wagon at times, because I understand that school can get trying. However, I'm in the senior-most position and also the group member with the most taxing school status; I'm the only one actually graduating and leaving the campus. Clearly, things are hectic for me too but I recognize that if I don't do it, nothing will ever be accomplished. So, I've spent the last two weeks designing at least 90% of the magazine. The publication of the next issue will be like the birth of that child; it better look as amazing as it does on my computer screen. When it's done, I will post a link to either the GO Web site or my own Web site so you can all take a look at it, or if you're on campus, look for us around town starting (hopefully) tomorrow!
My brain is frazzled at this point. The state of my life now is summed up by my room composition: just piles of books and DVDs spilling all over, notes about jobs I need to be applying for and loose-leaf sheets of paper scattered about, where I started doing research but was never able to complete anything.
Tomorrow, I hope to be in a better mood. I've been promising reviews, so I need to get on writing them.
Monday, April 14, 2008
my thumb is numb
I'm sitting at work and my thumb is numb. Could I too have acquired carpel tunnel syndrome or some similar hand ailment?
Today, I watched Mostly Martha in preparation for my German cinema. It was far more engaging than No Reservations, and I say this even though the movie was in a foreign language and despite having conversed with/semi-stalked Aaron Eckhart. I will review the movie shortly!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Bésame
Two nights ago, I attended a fabulous international birthday party. I recommend you get yourself invited to a party hosted by an international student or recent emigre and attend, even if you don't know if anyone else there will speak the same language as you.
A majority of the partygoers at the 30th birthday soiree were Latin American. The more we drank, this game started up. Like some sort of grown-up version of 'Spin the Bottle,' someone would decide to shout "beso, beso, beso" and everyone else would join in. "Beso" means kiss, so whenever that was shouted, you were supposed to kiss the guy next to you. This was cute when chanted at the birthday girl and my amiga Maria, because they had significant others to kiss but when I had it shouted at me, I sort of backed down. I don't know what's wrong with me; I should have given the fella' next to me a good-natured kiss on the cheek, but I was afraid that the gesture would be interpreted as more (which once again, is immature of me because kissing on the cheek is a natural way to kiss friends in many Latin American cultures).
Last night, I was recounting that episode to a friend and it dawned on me that I missed a key moment of socialization when I was younger that potentially led up to this episode. When I was in middle school, I was sleeping over at my best friend's place and she was invited to a no-adult party and I, by proxy, had been invited too. For whatever reason, my friend's mother decided she didn't want to drive us over (I'm thinking she found out about the lack of supervision). Later, I found out that 'Spin the Bottle' was the main event at the party. I was not invited to a no-adult party until I was much older, and by that time, it was totally uncool to play. If pop culture (more specifically, TGIF sitcoms) is any indicator, playing 'Spin the Bottle' or 'Seven Minutes in Heaven' would have been a defining moment in my life. Suddenly, I was an 18-year-old college student with no point of reference.
I was going to continue talking about my lack of socialization with males when I was growing up, but I'll save that for another, perhaps another blog.
Apparently, on an episode of "Friends," the characters re-enacted their teenhood by playing "Spin the Bottle" as adults. I think I need to reclaim that period of my life. I need to not be shy about beso-ing. I think the shouting of "beso" should be instituted at future parties, because despite the embarrassment factor, it's also highly entertaining. Even if there's no romantic desire involved (as was the case at this party) in a cheek kiss, it's one way to make to get everyone at the party feeling comfortable.
A majority of the partygoers at the 30th birthday soiree were Latin American. The more we drank, this game started up. Like some sort of grown-up version of 'Spin the Bottle,' someone would decide to shout "beso, beso, beso" and everyone else would join in. "Beso" means kiss, so whenever that was shouted, you were supposed to kiss the guy next to you. This was cute when chanted at the birthday girl and my amiga Maria, because they had significant others to kiss but when I had it shouted at me, I sort of backed down. I don't know what's wrong with me; I should have given the fella' next to me a good-natured kiss on the cheek, but I was afraid that the gesture would be interpreted as more (which once again, is immature of me because kissing on the cheek is a natural way to kiss friends in many Latin American cultures).
Last night, I was recounting that episode to a friend and it dawned on me that I missed a key moment of socialization when I was younger that potentially led up to this episode. When I was in middle school, I was sleeping over at my best friend's place and she was invited to a no-adult party and I, by proxy, had been invited too. For whatever reason, my friend's mother decided she didn't want to drive us over (I'm thinking she found out about the lack of supervision). Later, I found out that 'Spin the Bottle' was the main event at the party. I was not invited to a no-adult party until I was much older, and by that time, it was totally uncool to play. If pop culture (more specifically, TGIF sitcoms) is any indicator, playing 'Spin the Bottle' or 'Seven Minutes in Heaven' would have been a defining moment in my life. Suddenly, I was an 18-year-old college student with no point of reference.
I was going to continue talking about my lack of socialization with males when I was growing up, but I'll save that for another, perhaps another blog.
Apparently, on an episode of "Friends," the characters re-enacted their teenhood by playing "Spin the Bottle" as adults. I think I need to reclaim that period of my life. I need to not be shy about beso-ing. I think the shouting of "beso" should be instituted at future parties, because despite the embarrassment factor, it's also highly entertaining. Even if there's no romantic desire involved (as was the case at this party) in a cheek kiss, it's one way to make to get everyone at the party feeling comfortable.
you're a hott mess but in a good way
Sha'Donna and I had the best coffee date. We always find a way to extend a simple cup of coffee to the most ridiculous and amazing conversation ever. We are hott mess soul sisters. :) Anyway, we are going to release the most brilliant blog entitled "Perpetually Single." We plan on one day, when our audience has grown sufficiently, to expand to a book, movie and most importantly, a sitcom to mirror the sitcom fantasies that occur in our minds. So now readers, you are in the know.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
What I'm best at
Since I didn't post yesterday, I'm just going to have to make up for it today.
The following posting is extracted from my Fashion and Politics class Web site. I know, fashion and politics don't seem like subjects that go together, but I'm learning more and more how fashion is influenced by politics. I wrote this rant about the Beauty School of Kabul, a center that was opened by the Beauty Without Border foundation in the aftermath of 9/11. Basically, stylists from the U.S. would go to Afghanistan with a translator who had escaped the country years back and she would train the women there how to practice beauty application. Interestingly enough, women had been cutting, styling and dying hair and giving makeovers under the Taliban regime to make money and had been earning more money than their husbands. Some women worked in Pakistan for a while and I'm thinking there was a bootleg beauty product trade from Pakistan to Afghanistan. If you find what I'm talking about interesting, you can check out the documentary "The Beauty School of Kabul."
In the U.S., we're always bombarded with discourse about going in and aiding others who are less fortunate than us. I mean, just think of "Idol Gives Back" and the many educating-women-in Africa, Mid East, etc.-centered programs that are always on 20/20 and all the other news magazine shows. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about helping other people; I think as humans we should want to all help each other. However, I've noticed that often this act of kindness is accompanied by an arrogant attitude. And just as often, our kindness is somewhat of a justification, an act of trying to make ourselves feel better, for a problem we created. Like how, as (my professor) Mimi mentioned, we tried to turn the bombing of Afghanistan and Iraq into positive events because we were saving the people of those countries from themselves.
The idea that our society is so equalized that we need to go into other countries and bring them to realize their potential to be like us is preposterous. With the Beauty without Borders mission, the people behind the charity claimed to go into Kabul with the vision of getting women to participate in the economy. On the one hand, the lack of rights for women and the need for empowerment was used as a justification for, as I said earlier, "the War on Terrorism." Additionally, while the people behind the project had good intentions, though slightly misguided at times, their idea of aid basically turned into another case of cultural imperialism. In the film ("Beauty School of Kabul"), we assume that women need to be empowered through the application of proper makeup because the feeling of beauty is transforming. Yet, when the Beauty School of Kabul workers find that the women have Bollywood standards of beauty and have actually been doing their hair and makeup in secret for years under the Taliban (modeled on their favorite South Asian actresses), they are told to conform to Western beauty ideals. This is especially noticeable with the first aid hairdresser, Terri, the one who says she is doing "selfless work" and judges the women as being stuck in time for their perming methods.
I find it interesting that we find our society free of repressions. While women here have a different standard of individual freedom, the people funding the School are the editor of "Vogue," the head of MAC cosmetics, Frederic Fekkai, etc. - all the same people who define what women can and cannot be and what defines beauty in the U.S. So in addition to our arrogance in treaty women in "developing nations" as charity cases, we're also trying to train women to abide by our narrow standards.
The following posting is extracted from my Fashion and Politics class Web site. I know, fashion and politics don't seem like subjects that go together, but I'm learning more and more how fashion is influenced by politics. I wrote this rant about the Beauty School of Kabul, a center that was opened by the Beauty Without Border foundation in the aftermath of 9/11. Basically, stylists from the U.S. would go to Afghanistan with a translator who had escaped the country years back and she would train the women there how to practice beauty application. Interestingly enough, women had been cutting, styling and dying hair and giving makeovers under the Taliban regime to make money and had been earning more money than their husbands. Some women worked in Pakistan for a while and I'm thinking there was a bootleg beauty product trade from Pakistan to Afghanistan. If you find what I'm talking about interesting, you can check out the documentary "The Beauty School of Kabul."
In the U.S., we're always bombarded with discourse about going in and aiding others who are less fortunate than us. I mean, just think of "Idol Gives Back" and the many educating-women-in Africa, Mid East, etc.-centered programs that are always on 20/20 and all the other news magazine shows. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about helping other people; I think as humans we should want to all help each other. However, I've noticed that often this act of kindness is accompanied by an arrogant attitude. And just as often, our kindness is somewhat of a justification, an act of trying to make ourselves feel better, for a problem we created. Like how, as (my professor) Mimi mentioned, we tried to turn the bombing of Afghanistan and Iraq into positive events because we were saving the people of those countries from themselves.
The idea that our society is so equalized that we need to go into other countries and bring them to realize their potential to be like us is preposterous. With the Beauty without Borders mission, the people behind the charity claimed to go into Kabul with the vision of getting women to participate in the economy. On the one hand, the lack of rights for women and the need for empowerment was used as a justification for, as I said earlier, "the War on Terrorism." Additionally, while the people behind the project had good intentions, though slightly misguided at times, their idea of aid basically turned into another case of cultural imperialism. In the film ("Beauty School of Kabul"), we assume that women need to be empowered through the application of proper makeup because the feeling of beauty is transforming. Yet, when the Beauty School of Kabul workers find that the women have Bollywood standards of beauty and have actually been doing their hair and makeup in secret for years under the Taliban (modeled on their favorite South Asian actresses), they are told to conform to Western beauty ideals. This is especially noticeable with the first aid hairdresser, Terri, the one who says she is doing "selfless work" and judges the women as being stuck in time for their perming methods.
I find it interesting that we find our society free of repressions. While women here have a different standard of individual freedom, the people funding the School are the editor of "Vogue," the head of MAC cosmetics, Frederic Fekkai, etc. - all the same people who define what women can and cannot be and what defines beauty in the U.S. So in addition to our arrogance in treaty women in "developing nations" as charity cases, we're also trying to train women to abide by our narrow standards.
i love my readers!
I just wanted to say, I love my friends. Thanks Sha'Donna, Candace, Christine and Kelly for giving me words of encouragement on my blog. I will definitely keep going and I hope I can hold up to the "beautiful writing" standard.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
It's not about who you know, it's who your parents are
As a graduating college student, I have three categories of friends at this time. First, there are those who want to postpone "real life," so they're going to graduate school, even though many professors (at least in my field) have told us it was not a good idea (especially at the same school, but hey even more security blanket for cover, right?). Next, there are those graduating friends (I'd say about 60% of those I know). Absolutely none of these people know what they are doing after they graduate. They might know what they want to do in the long run, but as for their current job prospects, they have not gotten any job offers. In fact, none of my roommates have jobs yet, which makes me feel better about my joblessness.
Onto the third category. Students who have their lives planned out. All my life, I've been told, "It's not about what you know, but who you know." and "Network, network, network." So, I think you will see why it's discouraging for me, some one who does try to be friendly with everyone and is conscious of how my actions will reflect on my future hiring, when I see people getting jobs through what they call networking, and what I like to call relying on your family members. Perhaps it is because my parents have no influential friends, and no one in my immediate or distant family works in media that am I bitter about this aspect. However, the more I hear "well my dad works here so," ... or "my aunt set this up for me" ... or "I don't have to worry too much, my so-and-so said that newspaper will save a spot for me," I get annoyed. I work hard to network and not to say that others don't, but I have a major chip on my shoulder when it comes to people who are just handed opportunities, when despite my Tribune internship, I must keep digging for jobs to apply to.
Onto the third category. Students who have their lives planned out. All my life, I've been told, "It's not about what you know, but who you know." and "Network, network, network." So, I think you will see why it's discouraging for me, some one who does try to be friendly with everyone and is conscious of how my actions will reflect on my future hiring, when I see people getting jobs through what they call networking, and what I like to call relying on your family members. Perhaps it is because my parents have no influential friends, and no one in my immediate or distant family works in media that am I bitter about this aspect. However, the more I hear "well my dad works here so," ... or "my aunt set this up for me" ... or "I don't have to worry too much, my so-and-so said that newspaper will save a spot for me," I get annoyed. I work hard to network and not to say that others don't, but I have a major chip on my shoulder when it comes to people who are just handed opportunities, when despite my Tribune internship, I must keep digging for jobs to apply to.
perhaps you will get to know me better ...
I know, it's a dumb quiz. But it'll teach you a little bit about me ...
1. Do you like blue cheese? I think I've only tasted it in the form of salad dressing, so I'm not sure what the real thing tastes like.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Yikes! no.
3. Do you own a gun ? I'm a serious gun-control advocate. The thought of owning a gun creeps me out.
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? I've only been to Sonic once; I had thought it was a greatly mysterious restaurant. I had a strawberry milkshake there.
5. Do you get nervous before dr. appts.? Before the gyno because that's just uncomfortable.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I know they are made of factory remnants and everything disgusting, but I still eat them on occasion. I would prefer sausage. However, I'm what would you would call a poultrytarian; my meat of choice is usually turkey or chicken 99% of the time.
7. Favorite Christmas song? I really like the Mariah song. Cheesy, I know.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffffffeeeeeeee! What would I do without a strong cup of it?
9. Can you do push ups? I need to be on that. I used to do push-ups on the regular and I had nice, buff arms.
10. What do you order at Starbucks? I prefer Cafe Kopi, Espresso Royale and Bar Giuliani to Starbucks. Support the local!
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My nose stud. My grandma gave it to me for my 21 birthday.
12. Favorite hobby? How to pick? Anything art related.
13. How do you eat your eggs? I don't like plain eggs, so cooked into something else
14. Do you have A.D.D.? This is entirely possible
15. What's one trait that you hate about yourself? indecisiveness
16. Middle name? Dilip. Frick, I hate it. It's my father's name. I know it's tradition, but I refuse to do that to my child.
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. "The Office" is re-premiering tonight ... I hope the actors don't really go on strike, they make too much money ... I'm a tad bit hungry.
18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday? I bought cheese fries and a chicken salad for dinner. Nothing else all day.
19. Three drinks you regularly drink? water. milk. coffee.
20. Current worry right now? What am I going to do after I graduate in exactly a month?????
21. Current hate right now? Nothing. Peace and love, baby.
22. Favorite place to be? In my apartment that I own.
23. How did you bring in the New Years? 'Twas terrible. I was in Kanyakumari, Tamil Nadu, India. There was a party at the hotel and my cousins cut the cake. I was in bed, throwing up. :(
24. Where would you like to go? Australia, all of Europe, a non-resort Latin American city
25. Name three people who will complete this: I don't even know who reads my blog.
26. Do you own slippers? Yes, I forget to wear them half the time though.
27. What shirt are you wearing? A tank top and over that, a zip up track jackety type thing.
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Hahahahaha. No. Cotton.
29. Can you whistle? Very faintly.
30. Favorite color? Purple. Neon.
31. Would you be a pirate? I'd be ship's captain.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I usually don't sing. I'm just my typical neurotic self thinking too much.
33. Favorite girl's name ? eh.
34. Favorite boy's name? I'll think of names when the time comes.
35. What's in your pocket right now? nothing
36. Last thing that made you laugh? Many things make me laugh. I probably giggled in class today.
37. Best bed sheets as a child? I had a Strawberry Shortcake blanket
38. Worst injury you've ever had? I busted up my ankle for 2 + months in sixth grade. I got out of running the mile. :)
39. Do you love where you live? My apartment is pretty nice for Campustown, I enjoy it.
40. How many TV's do you have? In this apartment, I have two. One for my personal cinematic viewing pleasure. At home, there's always only been 1.
41. Who is your loudest friend? I know many loud people. My friends often have to shush me.
42. How many dogs do you have? none. :(
43. What are you thrilled about right now? Finally publishing the Green Observer
44 . Do you have a crush on someone? No one that I know in real life.
45. What is your favorite book? Brave New World
46. What is your favorite candy? Truffles. yum yum yum. As for candy bar, Snickers.
47. Favorite Sports Team? I do not watch many sporting events.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? ohhh, sad. I'm not going to think about it.
49. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Finishing up the design for the Green Observer.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Ahhh. I hate getting up for class, no matter what time it is.
1. Do you like blue cheese? I think I've only tasted it in the form of salad dressing, so I'm not sure what the real thing tastes like.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Yikes! no.
3. Do you own a gun ? I'm a serious gun-control advocate. The thought of owning a gun creeps me out.
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? I've only been to Sonic once; I had thought it was a greatly mysterious restaurant. I had a strawberry milkshake there.
5. Do you get nervous before dr. appts.? Before the gyno because that's just uncomfortable.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I know they are made of factory remnants and everything disgusting, but I still eat them on occasion. I would prefer sausage. However, I'm what would you would call a poultrytarian; my meat of choice is usually turkey or chicken 99% of the time.
7. Favorite Christmas song? I really like the Mariah song. Cheesy, I know.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffffffeeeeeeee! What would I do without a strong cup of it?
9. Can you do push ups? I need to be on that. I used to do push-ups on the regular and I had nice, buff arms.
10. What do you order at Starbucks? I prefer Cafe Kopi, Espresso Royale and Bar Giuliani to Starbucks. Support the local!
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My nose stud. My grandma gave it to me for my 21 birthday.
12. Favorite hobby? How to pick? Anything art related.
13. How do you eat your eggs? I don't like plain eggs, so cooked into something else
14. Do you have A.D.D.? This is entirely possible
15. What's one trait that you hate about yourself? indecisiveness
16. Middle name? Dilip. Frick, I hate it. It's my father's name. I know it's tradition, but I refuse to do that to my child.
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. "The Office" is re-premiering tonight ... I hope the actors don't really go on strike, they make too much money ... I'm a tad bit hungry.
18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday? I bought cheese fries and a chicken salad for dinner. Nothing else all day.
19. Three drinks you regularly drink? water. milk. coffee.
20. Current worry right now? What am I going to do after I graduate in exactly a month?????
21. Current hate right now? Nothing. Peace and love, baby.
22. Favorite place to be? In my apartment that I own.
23. How did you bring in the New Years? 'Twas terrible. I was in Kanyakumari, Tamil Nadu, India. There was a party at the hotel and my cousins cut the cake. I was in bed, throwing up. :(
24. Where would you like to go? Australia, all of Europe, a non-resort Latin American city
25. Name three people who will complete this: I don't even know who reads my blog.
26. Do you own slippers? Yes, I forget to wear them half the time though.
27. What shirt are you wearing? A tank top and over that, a zip up track jackety type thing.
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Hahahahaha. No. Cotton.
29. Can you whistle? Very faintly.
30. Favorite color? Purple. Neon.
31. Would you be a pirate? I'd be ship's captain.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I usually don't sing. I'm just my typical neurotic self thinking too much.
33. Favorite girl's name ? eh.
34. Favorite boy's name? I'll think of names when the time comes.
35. What's in your pocket right now? nothing
36. Last thing that made you laugh? Many things make me laugh. I probably giggled in class today.
37. Best bed sheets as a child? I had a Strawberry Shortcake blanket
38. Worst injury you've ever had? I busted up my ankle for 2 + months in sixth grade. I got out of running the mile. :)
39. Do you love where you live? My apartment is pretty nice for Campustown, I enjoy it.
40. How many TV's do you have? In this apartment, I have two. One for my personal cinematic viewing pleasure. At home, there's always only been 1.
41. Who is your loudest friend? I know many loud people. My friends often have to shush me.
42. How many dogs do you have? none. :(
43. What are you thrilled about right now? Finally publishing the Green Observer
44 . Do you have a crush on someone? No one that I know in real life.
45. What is your favorite book? Brave New World
46. What is your favorite candy? Truffles. yum yum yum. As for candy bar, Snickers.
47. Favorite Sports Team? I do not watch many sporting events.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? ohhh, sad. I'm not going to think about it.
49. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Finishing up the design for the Green Observer.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Ahhh. I hate getting up for class, no matter what time it is.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
a note on death
I'm not one to be morbid and today is a considerably nice day; I saw some tulips blooming on my walk from my Media Law class to my apartment and it reminded me of how the world is thawing and renewing itself. But, perhaps because of the recent passing of my roommate's grandfather (the apartment misses you Kelly!), I had death on my mind this morning.
Well not just death. I was considering my own death, but not in a weird way, I was just thinking about how I would like to leave my mark. In the Hindu tradition, your body is cremated. I rather like the idea of becoming one with the world and I shall adhere to this tradition, not just for these religious reasons but also because the taught of burial really creeps me out. Since my relatives were all cremated, I've never had to be in a cemetery, which makes the experience all the more foreign and disturbing to me.
What I can relate to though is having a permanent marker where your legacy can continue and your friends and family can visit with you and keep you and memories of you involved in their lives. So, I was thinking that when I die, I would like a tree to be planted in my name. I'd like to think that I will have some loved ones who'd want to carry on my legacy and visit with me and remember me always. In keeping with that idea of retaining something on the Earth even after your body has left it, I rather like the idea of sprouting new life in place of one that has passed on. I think it would be amazing to have a tree farm in the vein of family burial plots. We could all have our own plaques or whatever, but in death, we'd be returning something back to the world that could potentially help the environment.
Well not just death. I was considering my own death, but not in a weird way, I was just thinking about how I would like to leave my mark. In the Hindu tradition, your body is cremated. I rather like the idea of becoming one with the world and I shall adhere to this tradition, not just for these religious reasons but also because the taught of burial really creeps me out. Since my relatives were all cremated, I've never had to be in a cemetery, which makes the experience all the more foreign and disturbing to me.
What I can relate to though is having a permanent marker where your legacy can continue and your friends and family can visit with you and keep you and memories of you involved in their lives. So, I was thinking that when I die, I would like a tree to be planted in my name. I'd like to think that I will have some loved ones who'd want to carry on my legacy and visit with me and remember me always. In keeping with that idea of retaining something on the Earth even after your body has left it, I rather like the idea of sprouting new life in place of one that has passed on. I think it would be amazing to have a tree farm in the vein of family burial plots. We could all have our own plaques or whatever, but in death, we'd be returning something back to the world that could potentially help the environment.
I have a real blog!
Hello world,
I'm not quite sure why it took me so long to set up a real blog. Chalk it up to college-student laziness. Like how I used AP style just there? Ya, I'm a trained former Chicago Tribune copy editing intern. I hope to make all my blogs be error free, so that could be another reason I won't write as much as I think.
My first blog ever was on Myspace. And you can still view it there, but I mostly discuss three topics: the fact that I'm going on 22 and have never been in a relationship (I know this confounds more people than just me, so feel free to weigh on my neurosis), my monetary challenges on a campus full of upper middle class kids (OMG I went to public school and yes, it was racially mixed, what a concept, right?) and lastly, my deconstructions of social structures (mostly in terms of race because U of I can't seem to grasp what racism means). My profile name is "diva with a 'y'." You laugh, but I have had to introduce myself that way many times.
But, like I said, I will probably explore those same topics here, but I wish to take this blog in a more journalistic direction as well. I just watched the film "Aguirre, the Wrath of God" in my German cinema class and have the itch to review it; even though it was made in the 70s, and therefore not fresh, I think I have some crazy ideas to tie the conquistador time period with more contemporary colonialism.
I probably am a bit too socialistic to be a journalist. I'm not a Socialist, mind you. But I believe in freedoms rather than restrictions and the goal of equality. Like I said, I'm kind of an idealist, but that's what you get from this solidly middle class, feminist womanist, part-time environmentalist Indo-American young woman. I know there are more -ists and adjectives to break down my identity, but why reveal all my mystique in the first post?
I'm not too sure how this blog will operate and how many of you in the real world will be reading this. But I'm honored that you stuck with me and I ask you to stay tuned.
I'm not quite sure why it took me so long to set up a real blog. Chalk it up to college-student laziness. Like how I used AP style just there? Ya, I'm a trained former Chicago Tribune copy editing intern. I hope to make all my blogs be error free, so that could be another reason I won't write as much as I think.
My first blog ever was on Myspace. And you can still view it there, but I mostly discuss three topics: the fact that I'm going on 22 and have never been in a relationship (I know this confounds more people than just me, so feel free to weigh on my neurosis), my monetary challenges on a campus full of upper middle class kids (OMG I went to public school and yes, it was racially mixed, what a concept, right?) and lastly, my deconstructions of social structures (mostly in terms of race because U of I can't seem to grasp what racism means). My profile name is "diva with a 'y'." You laugh, but I have had to introduce myself that way many times.
But, like I said, I will probably explore those same topics here, but I wish to take this blog in a more journalistic direction as well. I just watched the film "Aguirre, the Wrath of God" in my German cinema class and have the itch to review it; even though it was made in the 70s, and therefore not fresh, I think I have some crazy ideas to tie the conquistador time period with more contemporary colonialism.
I probably am a bit too socialistic to be a journalist. I'm not a Socialist, mind you. But I believe in freedoms rather than restrictions and the goal of equality. Like I said, I'm kind of an idealist, but that's what you get from this solidly middle class, feminist womanist, part-time environmentalist Indo-American young woman. I know there are more -ists and adjectives to break down my identity, but why reveal all my mystique in the first post?
I'm not too sure how this blog will operate and how many of you in the real world will be reading this. But I'm honored that you stuck with me and I ask you to stay tuned.
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