Grad School Blues

I've got one month til the majority of my grad school applications are due. I am frustrated. Surely, my chronic procrastination hasn't helped things but, shoot ... everyone I know with an interest in academia is an admitted procrastinator. Some of us are nerds with low-esteem, some of us just fear rejection so we put things off. Some of us creative types can't be contained by time constraints.

I have yet to finish my personal essay(s), which I think will somewhat dictate my recs. Speaking of recommendations, that whole process is screwed up. Unless you apply to graduate school while still in undergrad, I feel like getting a professor on board to recommend you will just amount to an uphill battle. People tell you all the time that you're supposed to participate in class, go to office hours, make sure you have a relationship with your professors. I think I did reasonable of job of setting this up WHILE I was in college. I suck at maintaining relations with my close friends when I'm not around them constantly so, of course, I have not maintained relations with my professors. I wish that I had decided to attend grad school two years ago so, I wouldn't received e-mail replies along the lines of: I knew that you were a good student in my class two/three years ago but, I haven't got a close relationship with you now. Bah.

Advice???????????????????

Year-end reflections

So folks, 2009 is drawing to a close. 2010 is hovering over the horizon, and with it, a whole new decade. I don't know why I didn't realize that a decade was coming to a close with 2010 upcoming but, for some reason, I needed a friend of mine to point this out to me.

Highlights of the new Millennium decade - the '00s:

Graduation from high school
Graduation from college
Reached legal adulthood
Blossoming of great friendships
Learned to drive
Bought my first car
Awesome internship
City living
First job
Supported myself
Introduction to alcohol, and subsequent legal ability to imbibe
Traveled to a land afar (India), a land nearby (Canada) and to states I had never been to
Improved dancing ability
Learned how to dress myself properly (even if I can't afford to do this)
Experimentations
Discovered my writing talent
The birth of Bitch, please

Pretty much everything of interest happened to me after age 13.

As this new decade dawns, I am glad to be alive. I am excited for all the accomplishments that I have yet to undertake.

About two weeks ago, I encountered a life-threatening situation. I was in a car accident (I don't know if that's the correct term here) where miraculously, everything went OK. En route to the Milwaukee airport departing for YouthBuild training in Vegas with a car full of dudes, the SUV I was riding in hit a patch of black ice. Apparently, we were almost struck by another vehicle that decided to pass us at we careened out of our lane. And we very nearly hit a signpost as our skilled driver maneuvered us off the highway and into a ditch. We went down a steep decline and our car spun around, once again miraculously, to face the road.

I had my eyes closed the whole time, somewhat in a state of denial and also praying to any higher power that would listen (I'm not kidding this was my mantra: Jesus, Shiva, Rama, Krishna, Buddha, Allah, Zeus, Jehovah ... really, anyone.) When I opened my eyes, we were all unscathed. The car was a little worse for the wear but, no real damage was done. The guys were able to get the car back on the highway. Though we missed our flight and had to chill in the airport for a good 10 hours (our airlines only flew out twice a day), we still made it to Vegas, alive and well!

I'm not a religious person. I have been struggled with spirituality and faith and all these sorts of issues in the past. I was raised Hindu. Orthodox Hindu with a liberal twist, if that is such a thing. This means my family is super-religious. But I was allowed to eat meat growing up (not beef of course) and I wasn't banned from any sorts of activities that strict people might disallow. I have yet to tell what impact this moment had on me spiritually. That is for the future to reveal.

What I know is this. I am young and as I am in my early 20s, I think it is OK to just want to have fun as long as I respect myself, my family and others around me.

The Bitch is Back ... Again.

The Bitch is me. I know; I am terrible for not updating my blog more frequently. What kind of writer am I?!!

From now on, I'm not going to be all overly ambitious and promise to update daily. I will shoot for weekly and by aiming low, I'm hoping I'll actually be able to meet and surpass my goal.

Yesterday, I attended a book signing by Rockfordian author Kimberla Lawson Roby. While I couldn't hear most of her talk, she did advise some aspiring writer in the crowd that the conscientious writer should compose at least a paragraph a day. Sounds simple but, I wonder how many creative spirits (who are working other jobs in the meanwhile) get around to it. Probably the ones who make something of themselves. I need to learn to be more dedicated to my craft. Lawson knows what she's talking about. Though local, she's a prolific author; when her next book is released this winter, it'll be her third book released in a year. I don't know if my output level will ever be that high but, it's something to strive for.

I don't want to overload this post with all the things that have been floating in my head since last I updated, so I'll keep it relatively short. Here's a run-down: I started my new gig at Rockford YouthBuild. So far, it's been rather uneventful. I'm hoping we get our computers soon so I don't get so distracted sitting under the air vent (it is freezing!) dreaming about being warm all day. I have some projects in the works I plan on busting out soon. Also, I took the GRE and though my math score was abysmal (this despite my hardcore month and change of math cramming), I got my writing score last week and it was on the high end. So when I finally figure out where I want to go and what I want to be, I'll have good enough scores to get in.

It's A Bittersweet Symphony

I've probably used that title before. If so, I apologize. It's just that so many things in life are bittersweet.

Yesterday was my last day at work. As those who follow this blog may know, I never had any intention of staying on at the bank. I just couldn't get anything to work out and I figured that after a dryspell summer I would accept the first decent job I was offered and continue looking in my free time.

And the first weekend I was on the job, I got a call from Entertainment fuckin' Weekly. My dream job. Or my dream internship. It was paid, and it was the in for all that I wanted for the future. And I messed up the sample blog entry I was supposed to write for them. I was just so excited. When I think back on it (I refuse to look back on it), I'm embarrassed at the way I rambled on. Point is, I didn't get the gig. I didn't get any of the jobs I applied for in the 11 months I worked at National City.

At first, I fought it a lot. I wanted to show people that my degree was worth something. I was tired of people mocking journalism, asking me how possibly, I could have a Bachelor of Science in a major that seems so illogical.

After a while, I gave in. It was a steady paycheck. Health insurance. New glasses! A car. A credit card. All the things I needed. And I liked my bosses, save for our Friday morning meetings, I enjoyed chatting with them. They thought I was smart, meant to advance in the company... if I stuck around. I cultivated relationships with my coworkers. I grew to think of us a somewhat dysfunctional work family. In the months that followed the break-up of our family, I grew very close to my work sisters. I don't have much of a life in Rockford. I have my group of friends, and I love them but, I hope to keep in touch with my work buddies, so even though I'm not associated with work, we can still be buddies.

Now, I definitely won't miss our customers. Well, a handful maybe, some sweet old ladies and some interesting folks. But I will say one thing, we had a lot of characters. They make for great stories and one day, I hope to compile these tales into my tell-all novel, Behind the Teller Line.

I always imagined that leaving Southgate would be one of the happiest days of my year. And it's true that I was happy. Moving on to bigger and better things. (I hope!) But still, things are a bit uncertain. I feel like I did when I graduated. One chapter closed. Another one not yet written. And that's both exciting and scary at the same time. I haven't yet received my itinerary for training next week. Though I have my training cofirmation, it's strange not to know what exactly I'll be doing.

One thing is certain, it'll be strange not to make the drive down 11th Street tomorrow. I'm so used to being at work that when my home phone rings, I always have to steady myself so I don't accidentally knock out, "National City Southgate, this is Divya, how can I help you?"

I'M BACK!!!!!

Upon reviewing my blog, I've come to realize I haven't updated this thing in months. There have been a couple of reasons for my self-imposed hiatus, most of which, I will admit, are rather self-indulgent.

Issue No. 1 has to do with my job at the bank. I was bored, and I needed a way out. I was having issues with authority. My coworkers and I attempted to launch a workers' revolution but, in many ways, we failed because, well, the little man usually doesn't win in corporate situations.

This may sound dramatic but, I felt myself getting dumber. This was not where I had imagined my life going when I was in my apartment dreaming about the future a little more than a year ago. From the Tribune to customer service representative.

It was getting me down to the point where instead of being proactive and productive, I retreated into my headspace and stayed there for a while, feeling sorry for myself.

This, my friends, is a terribly dangerous road to go down. I'm more annoyed than I can express that I allowed myself to dumb down instead of working on the one thing I have always been good at: writing.
Well, this work funk has been lifted. I found a new job!!!! Saturday is my last day at the bank and as much as I will miss my work buddies, I am more than ready to move on. To move out of the trailer neighborhood. To do something that allows me to actually write, even if it's not the kind of writing I planned to do. Because I've been a terrible friend of late, you are probably wondering, what the hell are you going to be doing Divya? Thanks for letting me know! I do apologize.

So here's what I'm going to be doing. I'm going to be a resource developer for Youthbuild, which operates under the umbrella non-profit Comprehensive Community Solutions here in Rockford. What I'm going to be doing there is procuring funds. Writing grants, networking, generally scrounging up money. And also writing marketing materials. I'm excited. Youthbuild is a pretty cool national program that takes kids who didn't graduate from high school and teaches them a vocational skill (in this case, construction - they build houses) and prepares them to earn their GED. I will be paid through an AmeriCorps stipend. So I guess I have come full circle in terms of my idealism. Though it wasn't my intention, I responded to the call to service. My former boss said (and this is jokingly, he is a Republican but, good-natured) that AmeriCorps is like Obama's version of Hitler's Youth. I guess you could say though one is for good and one was for evil, they were both organizations motivated by young people who felt empowered by a public official. On top of the pay, I will receive a grant which will either pay back much of my student loans or will go toward grad school.

Grad school. There, I said it. I miss school. I wanna go back. I don't care what I study. OK, I do. I don't want to journ again because I already had exceptional teachers and the best education I could have asked for with that. I'm thinking there are some awesome media programs in NYC I'd like to explore. There are in truth so many things I'd like to do, I would love to study cinema, or various topics in sociology/anthropology such as sex and gender in Indian culture, and fashion, and second generation patterns, and minority consumption of media. But I don't have the patience to teach people so, I will just get a Master's and hopefully score a writing gig that will one day get me to my goal of writer/blogger/columnist/media commentator/world dominator. :)

So that's the other thing that's taken up my time. Studying for the GRE, which I will be attempting in September. Wish me luck!

Now that I'm back on here, I'm here to stay. I've got a lot of stuff to say and I hope you want to here it. Life updates, crazy liberal rants, media analysis, you can find it all here. And also, I will do my best to keep bitch, please fresh. I really want to see that site grow and I think you will enjoy reading it. My place in life is as a writer, so from now one I am just going to own up to it and write as much as I possibly can.

Shopping Misadventures and Other Fiascos

In honor of Kelly's impending wedding, I've been dress hunting. A few months ago, as I made plans to attend Kelitos' nuptials, I imagined my self slimming down, toning up, donning a fabulous gown, and just all-around looking hot.

In these two months, I got around to accomplishing none of these goals. I did not get a gym membership, as I had planned to do. Hence, no slimming or toning. With the perfect dress/hair/accessory combo, I feel like the looking hot part will be easy.

Only problem is, dress shopping is a pain in the ass. I've been scouring the Net and window-shopping since Jan. Originally, I was on the lookout for a smoking red dress but, now I'm down for anything that fits me well and is well made. I went out to the burbs but was repelled by the $200+ price tags. In Rockford, all I've found at the department stores are mother-of-the-bride gowns and prom dresses. I know it is that time of the year but being surrounded by scrawny 18-year-olds in dressing room is not amusing.

Saturday after work I trekked over to some wedding shops. Seeing as we lack boutiques in this area, I thought that was my best bet. Well, the Wedding Shop was worthless. All their "special occasion" dresses are crammed into one small basement room. The people who worked there were largely unhelpful and the dresses were just not right. Maybe if I wanted to be in a pageant...

I journeyed across town to David's Bridal, which was just a fiasco. The dresses there are not categorized in a useful way. It's logical, I suppose, to organize dresses by style and color. But this makes finding your size a rather large undertaking. I found a clearance dress and a sale dress (that I really had to dig for) that were cocktail-y (that's the other thing, I want a knee-length dress, not a bridesmaid dress). The first one was atrocious. The unexpected-find sale dress was surprisingly lovely. It was bronze, which is a color that can be blah but, with well with my skin tone. Unfortunately, the dress was a lil bit too small. And being that it was on clearance, the zipper got stuck halfway up and with the fraying, refused to budge.

So they had to cut me out! And the saleswoman kept insisting that it was a very common problem. That it was probably because the item was on sale. She insisted so many times that it was not me but the dress. I started to get a complex about it. I mean, the dress was too small. Clearly, I know I'm not fat. But I felt like she was judging me as when of those big girls who tries to squeeze into clothes that are obviously too small. Stupidly, I had not shaved. Anywhere. My legs and underarms were hairy. And I had to walk across the sales floor. Past the bride-to-bes and prom queens. I know they were all wondering who had let the gorilla into the dressing area. The opening in the dress was too small, seeing as I have an actual butt and she underestimated that. So I had to completely rip the dress off of me. I didn't even feel bad. Serves em right for being so snooty. The only good thing that came out of David's was me finding out what size I wear.

Sunday, I visited Madison. There I tried out the cutest little boutique. The dresses were mainly cocktail, which was perfect. Of course, because these were designer duds, prices were $100 and upwards. I found some gorgeous clearance items, however, that were reasonable. Unfortunately, I got stuck in the last dress I tried on. The zipper went haywire. It had fit me. Perfectly. It was a red strapless with pockets. Pockets! I had it mostly zipped up when all of a sudden, it the zipper tracks split. And I couldn't pull it up or down. The girl who had formerly been so nice turned nasty. She accused me of ruining the dress. How could you put on a dress that was already broken, she asked me. She asked me where I got it from, which I awkwardly had no answer for since my mother had picked it out. She told me I was too big for the dress, which was actually inaccurate. And unlike the girls at David's, she made no motion to help me out of it. Take it off the way you put it on, she said before she stormed off. Impossible because I have hips, thighs, and an arse. Well, I ended up ruining that dress too.

I pulled on the zip til it separated from the dress. I pulled it down to look like the garment was unzipped, hung it on the rehang rack, and dashed before they could realize what happened. Sadly, I had really wanted to purchase another one of their dresses. But I just couldn't deal with the charge for two, or with fighting with the saleslady.

So now I'm back at square one. More awkward dress shopping.

Now I Know I'm an ABCD

(American-Born Confused Desi that is)



Of late, for some reason I've been thinking a lot about interracial dating. Not that I never think about it but, it's been a frequent topic of discussion.

First, my coworker Jon attempted to bait me into a conversation about interracial dating and parental approval. Now you guys know I'm one of those bleeding-heart liberals, who has somewhat of an anything goes attitude in terms of social behavior. I haven't got any problems with it. People who disapprove of interracial dating based purely on skin color irk me. However, I do understand the argument for preserving ethnic ties.

In this convo I was the defender. I was asked whether my father would approve of me dating someone of another background and whether that would influence my behavior. Well of course, my dad and I rarely talk so, we've never even broached that subject. And I really could care less about his opinions. My mom has said she's cool with it, never explicitly to me but more implicitly, as she has voiced her disgust at other people's intolerance. Plus, she always like to point out that there are Latino and White people in her extended family. I don't know if she'd take the same laissez-faire attitude with her own daughter or son.

Honestly, I'm not sure who I see myself ending up with. I don't have much an initial attraction to Indian men. I want to preserve my culture. But most Konkani guys are somehow related to me and that's just not cool. Even that distant relationship - 10th cousin - doesn't appeal to me. I said this to my mom and brother yesterday and they were offended. Actually, they seemed to be more appalled when I told them how I don't really like Indian men. But, it's the truth. It's very rarely that I spot an Indian dude that I think is fine. Maybe 1 out of 10. I mean, I went to a school with a huge population of Indian guys and I don't want to sound judgemental but I'm turned off by the stereotypical things - gold chains, unibrows, extreme hairiness ( a genetic problem I too have), oily hair, the mama's boy spoiled attitude (which seems to be birthright with Indian guys, including those in my family). And I'm certainly not saying that all Indian guys look like this by any means... it's just well, initial attraction. Go ahead, call me shallow.

I'm not saying I find them all to be ugly, visually and personality wise. Quite frankly, we're one of the most populous groups of people out there. Surely there's a couple million guys I'd like to end up with. I would really like to have a brown baby. I know that sounds ridiculous and also potentially racist. But I want to keep the Indian looks alive. I want that child to feel a connection to the Indian subcontinent. Most of my relatives who are married to non-Indian have children who do not appear to be Indian in the least. And that's fine. But I want to pass down my ethnic features. Dark wavy hurr, etc. More Norah Jones, less Ben Kingsley. And I want my kid to have an ethnic identity. More than just symbolically donning Indian duds and eating tandoori chicken, I want them to get my culture. Or just have an awareness, really.

Problem is, all the guys I find myself attracted to usually have a girlfriend. And she's usually White. For instance, this weekend, saw the cutest guy at Wal-Mart. Lo and behold, a seconds later, his girlfriend rounds the corner and gives me that look.

As I said before, I 'm totally cool with interracial couples. But I barely ever see an Indian girl on a White guys arm. It's usually the other way around, the conquest of the White woman. Even in terms of marriages, Indian men in my family married outside their ethnicity but the other way around didn't really pan out. I can think of woman who married a White American, got divorced, and raised kids who seem to be totally oblivious to their roots, save for the fact that their mother is from another country.

What is it with me and these specific Indian guys? I have to wonder what this means about me. Do I just have a thing for unavailable guys? White-washed Indian boys? Why am I so judgemental against my own people? Have I totally absorbed and ingrained the popular notion that Asian men are undesirable?

A Girl Can Dream

Gah, it's been a whole half month since I last posted. I must apologize. Whenever I'm on blogger, I seem to get caught up with stuff for Bitch, please. Which, once again, thanks for reading! We've been getting a lot of positive response.

This past month, my semi-depressive state has shifted to recklessness. I just need out! And this has built to a renewed interest in graduate school. I know, I know guys, I said I wouldn't do it. And if I did, it would be some time from now, when I had failed at real life.

I wouldn't exactly say I failed yet. But I'm just not stimulated by my job. Or this path. I'm not cut out for small-to-mid-sized cities. I need academics around me, even just as my friends. I miss learning. And learning random ass shit, theories that make your brain hurt that you can't explain to your friends and family back home but, blow your mind.

For the longest time, I've been dreaming of the city. The Big City, to be exact. For undergrad, my dream school was NYU but, once I saw that price tag I didn't dare apply. Well, I realized this month that I have to make that dream a reality. If I'm going to school anywhere, that's where I need to go. It's the cultural center of the US. In a lot of ways, it is the center of the US, where all the action goes down at least.

My only problem is, what to study?????????? NYU has some brilliant sounding majors. Check out their graduate studies page. In journ alone, there are 8 different majors, including one for social commentary and criticism, which let's face it, is probably the kind of writing I'm best at. I like reporting and all. Love interviewing people. But when it comes down to it, I want to be opinionated about things. There are so many majors just around communication and media. PR is a major. Publishing - magazine and book - is a major. And their anthro/entho department sounds cool too. What's a girl to do? Major in social commentary/social analysis/publishing/writing/etc etc? I don't have any specific topic I want to study at this point. And I'm not married to journalism either. What I'd really love to do is take a bunch of awesome pop culture, ethno, sociology, and writing classes. But that's random and would not qualify me for any sort of job.

The other worry of course is money, money, money. As I said, cost deterred me from even just applying last time. Even without school in the equation, housing in NYC is incredibly expensive. An apartment would just be impossible to manage. And the dorms, all I can say is I hope someone will give me some cash to attend. I don't want my loans to take over my life. Most of the campus housing appeared to cost more than a year of tuition at U of I. There's even a room that costs $30,000. Isn't that crazy? I think it is. Sure, these are semi-deluxe private rooms with a kitchenette and bathroom. But really? That place should be magical for how much it costs. And apparently, you still have to pay for Internet and cable. In order to pass for this lifestyle sans loans or aid, I'd have to work at least decade at National City and never spend a dime.

And hell no, I will not be doing that. So, in the wise words of Tim Gunn, I'm going to make it work. I don't know how but I will.

Burnt In

I've been working at Nat. City for a good almost 5 months now. And the banking mindset is now fully embedded in my brain. Now when I'm watching movies that somehow involve the banking industry, I have to question their plausibility.

For instance, I can no longer totally get into bank heist movies. I start to question, well, what about this, and what about that?

The other night, I was watching Burn After Reading and I was identifying with the character that even though his life sucks, I'm pretty sure I was not supposed to identify with. He's a total ass but he doesn't exactly deserve everything that happens to him.

But then there's this scene where he calls the bank and he starts yelling at the person on the other end about how he's been taken off his wife's account without his consent. And while that might seem unethical, it's something I see every day. And with that banker mindset, I couldn't help but consider this otherwise intelligent character as a moron for only having joint accounts. Every one knows you need to maintain at least one account in your own name.

Well, he starts going off on the CSR on the other end when they ask him for his account number. "Why would I know my account number? I have better things to do with my time than to memorize a few numbers!" Something along those lines. And my mom was agreeing with him. From experience though, that man is a fool. How does he expect to get information about his account without supplying any information? This is an all too familiar scenario. People call regularly asking for their balance, the last check in their account, etc, without giving me any information in return.
I can't just conjure your balance out of thin air. I hope the person on the other end hung up on him. Sorry dude, we're providing you with a service. If you're not nice to us, than we don't have to give you the correct info.

Ignorance is bliss, yo.

You Love Me, You Really Love Me

OK, maybe you don't.

But thanks for indulging me and reading Bitch, please! I know I've got a lot of different blogs/projects, and I don't expect all my friends to read every one. Or to do anything close to that. But Bitch, please is my favorite side project. The embodiment of my dream to have a publication. So thanks for supporting me!

The Great Depressing

Check this out:

http://adage.com/article?article_id=134423

No wonder people mock my major. If I'd have known any of this was going to go down, I would have stayed in school for another two years or so. As much as I thought I was superior to the people doing the 5 year program for saving money on what I figured to be the same classes over again, I do believe they were the smart ones for continuing to stay isolated from the job search. I've already accumulated student loan debt, so really, I could have just kept it coming.

I don't believe that publications are dead. It's a rough time for everyone. So understandably, people can't afford subscriptions anymore - they see it as a luxury. That's cool. There's still online stuff. If I just take a look around at work, we're all cruising the Yahoo pages and various news sites. Accessible and cheap, I can get down with that.

On Saturday, I had a discussion with my new coworker, who's a nice woman and meant no unkindness to me. But the convo did end up damaging my ego to an extent. She compared me to her two children. Her eldest also graduated from a Rockford area high school in '04. But he was valedictorian. And he got a full ride through to his PhD (when he finishes). And he's a chem. engineer, which means, he's kinda guaranteed a job, even if our economy implodes.

Her daughter on the other hand, has a vague major, communications. She hasn't got much focus, blah blah blah. When I told said well-meaning person about my degree, she said, "And now you're working at a bank." As I said, that's the truth; I don't think she meant any disrespect. She was just stating a fact. It was even sadder to tell her I had once worked at the Trib.

But you know what, I will overcome. I don't want my life to be decided by age 22. I really don't want to have one job for the rest of my life. I will be a writer, a city dweller, a world traveller. So even though the recession bites and things could be a lot better, they could be worse too. At least I have ambition.

Let the Sunshine In

It's official. I am a Seasonal Disaffective Disorder sufferer. Well, it's not official official cuz I have not been diagnosed for it but, based on personal experience I'm 99.9% sure this is the case.

The sun came out today and stayed out for a good, long time. And it was warm. Not warm by my usual standards - ya know, at least 60 degrees - but warm for Feb. certainly.

And that made all the difference in my day. I'm like a flower, no warmth, no sunlight and I won't blossom. My spirits were lifted.

I've been going stir crazy. I've never worked such long days for such a long period of time. My full-time jobs always ended at the end of the summer. Now I'm finding myself a part of the daily grinding, working for the weekend sort of thing.

Thankfully I'll be going on a day trip tomorrow after work (though I will be sleepy having opened). That should clear my head a little. Honestly, I don't know how people can go without vacations. I would go completely insane if I never left town, and had to spend all my days looking out the window at dirty gray snow.

Movies for Writers

This post-grad year has been the year of watching movies. I know I'm a pretty choosy person. And most of my reviews are just disparaging.

But the thing of it is, I just can't deal with plotless movies. At base, I need every movie to have a story. If one element of it is unbelievable, that'll take my out of the movie. If it's too contrived, I might lose interest after a while.

This Oscar season has been the year of novels-turned movies. My favorite movies from this season: Slumdog Millionaire, Revolutionary Road, and Benjamin Button were all literary works originally. Another one I'm waiting for Showplace 16 to take out of their reserve (apparently they've had the movie for a while but neglected to show it) is the Reader. Clearly, a movie for people like me.

The mark of a good screenplay is its ability to take you on a journey. To go there with the characters. And I feel like these movies took me there. And the latter, Revolutionary Road and Benjamin Button (along with the heavily verbal, light on action Doubt) had such crisp dialogue.

I must add, though while it is not an adapted film, Milk blew my mind last night. I'm sure I'll have more to blog about later, but the acting was just beautiful.

Blago did suck

And he was booted out yesterday. I will not let this man take the Olympics away from me!

I was on Gawker today and they had this story: http://gawker.com/5142412/blago-impeached-and-gone.

What amuses me is that I know this guy, vaguely, as someone I once partied with in college. Kelitos' friend Justin, former head of the College Republicans. And I remember agreeing with their t-shirt, but trying not to because well, it was the College Republican group shirt. And I'm obviously not Republican.

This picture was taken I believe when Blago visited U of I and the college kids booed him cuz he took away money from the education budget. Don't try to take money away from college students. We will hate you forever.

Looks Like I'll Be Outta Work Soon

... Involuntarily.

I was just informed that if I don't meet my goals, I'm on the road to being fired. Basically, because I see no way in hell that I'll be able to get 6 accounts set up by the end of the week. Seriously, if it took me three weeks to get 2, the odds are stacked against me.

Good new is, pretty much no one else has met their goals either. So come next week, all but one of us will probably be written up.

I guess we get three chances. If the economy keeps going at this sorry rate, I could see myself being excused by my birthday. I could see the whole staff gone by summertime.

I'm doing my best. I'm just not going to let it get me down. I refuse to be fired. I must quit first. Fingers crossed that the latest job I applied for (an ad. agency!!) really, really likes me!

Holla At Me

I've got another new project.

My college roommate Christine and I dreamt of publishing a women of color empowerment magazine. Future title? Bitch, please.

Come on, you love it.

In lieu of actually having funding, backing, or supplies to create such a publication, we've launched a site with the same theme.

Check out our Bitch, please blog right here on Blog spot.

The url is: http://bitchporfavor.blogpsot.com

Ya, someone else already owns bitchplease. But we're multicultural babes, so it's very fitting indeed.

Work In Progress

At the beginning of the year, I was going to write a list of things to be thankful for. Because I can't go around feeling sorry for myself all of 2009, like I did for the back half of '08. But, time's up on that.

I refuse to be all sunny dispositioned. Mainly because I'm tired of being told how worthless I am. I already know that I am clearly overqualified/underpaid for someone with my educational background. They say the more educated you are, the less content you are prone to be. It couldn't be more true in my case.

If I were a fresh-outta-Auburn 18-year-old, this would be the apex of my life. I would be completely, utterly fulfilled with where I am and what I'm doing. But I've been exposed to too much, had too many life experiences for this apply to me now.

I'm not living up to my potential, blah blah blah. I know these truths to self-evident. So, I don't need other people to constantly point this out to me. To reinforce my underachiever status.

My parents are kind of crazy and lacking in social etiquette (those of you who've met them know I'm not just trying to be obtuse), so my mother has told me on multiple occasions that their stupid arguments revolve around my poor choice of major. Apparently, my father is convinced that my mother coerced me into taking a pointless major. Cuz obviously, I rock at science. Clearly, I could have graduated from engineering school or med school (please note my dripping sarcasm).

Friday night, what should pop up on 20/2 but an expose about recent graduates. It was called, "How Much Are You Really Worth?" My mother wanted to watch it really desperately because she thought it was going to actually tell you how much you're worth. Rather, it was a depressing look at people in my life situation. Bachelor degree holders, drowning in student loans, who gets unfulfilled jobs out of college just to pay the bills. Jobs they could have gotten without a degree.

That piece went on to talk about how the bachelor's degree is the most useless tool in today's marketplace. Apparently, pretty much anybody can get one nowadays and nobody cares much for them anymore. I obviously know that a masters is more distinguished, but I've often questioned what I would actually study in grad school. Studying public affairs writing or ethnography, or pop culture is just not going to land me a job either.

Great to know I'm not the only one in my situation (though I knew that before 20/20 exposed the "truth about college degrees") but I didn't really need that negative reinforcement. It was once again more fuel for everyone who thought my degree was useless in the first place.

I will say one thing however, I'm not as pathetic as they make my demographic out to be. The people they interviewed went to unheard of colleges. At least U of I has some clout. And I didn't do a liberal arts education. And I was at the top of my class. Those factors have to count for something. And I loved college, despite the cost, I won't take it back because at least I met some great people and had some life experiences. If I could do it again, I would. And I would live in a regular dorm freshman year so I could meet even more awesome people from all over the globe. And I'm not totally resigned to my situation, I'm writing my novel, posting to several blogs, saving my money with dreams of the Big City.

So say what you will about me, at least I have some vague life goals, and working on getting where I want to be.

My best and worst list

In light of my recent award show review, I've compiled a list of some of my favorite and most annoyed with movies of the year: Let's start with the good (not in order):

1. We have to start off with the most anticipated movie of the year, Dark Knight, for living up to the hype. Plus, I met Aaron Eckhart in Chi. Plus I know people who got to be extras.

2. Slumdog Millionaire - a movie about Indian people that doesn't ignore the masses of poor in India. And isn't just pure exoticism.

3. Doubt - for the performances, you know Meryl is awesome.

4. Quantum of Solace - strange name, interesting plot, minus the cheesiness of most Bond flicks.

5. Wall-E - genius, a cartoon that mocks consumerism and our growing laziness. And it did that while retaining its cartoon-y cuteness. Disney done good.

6. Forgetting Sarah Marshall - I want to be friends with the people who made this movie.

7. Iron Man

8. Tropic Thunder Movies - judging from my last two choices, what can I say, I guess RDJ redeemed himself this year

9. the Sex and the City movie - not for the story or the acting, just for being the chickiest flick out there and for being a part of that franchise

10. Mainly bc I can't remember, I'm going to say Kung Fu Panda for being a good kids' movie

I despised:
1. Traitor - could have been so much better, what was Don Cheadle thinking?

2. The Day the Earth Stood Still - As non-emoting an actor as Keanu Reeves, why was he so bad as non-human being who doesn't understand emotions?

3. 27 Dresses - so not funny and offensive

4. Jumpers - I wish Hayden Christiansen could act

5. Eagle Eye - I found too many things about this movie confusing

6. The Happening - so bad I couldn't get past the first 20 minutes

7. Mamma Mia - I just saw this one, and I can't understand why you would cast actors who can't hold a note in a musical

8. My Blueberry Nights - Okay Jude Law's a hottie. That's about it. Sorry to half-desi singer Norah Jones, but she really can't act. And there was no point to this movie.

9. The Other Boleyn Girl - The Boleyns were apparently all hos. Henry was not that interesting. Scarlett and Natalie were not even believable sisters.

10. High School Musical Movie - the production value was terrible, you'd expect that franchise to produce something better

Movies I Wish I Liked More

1. Wanted - good at the time I saw it, but could have been better. Still, James Mc was hot

2. Twilight - I wish the plot, dialogue, or anything in the movie could have matched Rob.Pat's hotness

3. The Visitor - supposedly one of the best movies of the year, but I was bored

Ones I Want to See:

1. Rachel Getting Married - because it's getting a lot of awards

2. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - I want to see how a man can age backwards

3. Role Models - I love me some Paul Rudd

4. Milk - I love gay men

5. Pineapple Express - another James Franco movie

6. Revolutionary Road - though I could careless about Titanic, I love Kate Winslet and would like to see her repaired with Leo

7. Vicky Christina - Woody gone Euro

8. Burn After Reading - the trailor showed Brad and George in a crazy light and I like that

9. surely some foreign movies

Underdog Takes It All

While I generally believe in the philosophy of power to the people, watching back-to-back night-to-night award shows convinced me that some things are best left to the critics to judge. I'm comparing the People's Choice Awards (which aired Wednesday on CBS) to the Critics' Choice Awards (on Vh1 Thursday).

I refuse to believe that the populous would vote for Carrie Underwood over Rihanna. Riri had more hits off her record than anyone else this year. It's her year. So I won't take anything the masses picked seriously.

I will, however, give kudos to the Critics for overwhelming recognizing Slumdog Millionaire, a foreign film featuring an all-Indian cast. I saw the movie over New Years and I must say, it deserves all the praise it got. Despite the all-Indian cast and the focus on urban centers Mumbai and Delhi, the underdog story has universal appeal in that tugging on-the-heartstrings kind of way. Hopefully, awarding Dev Patel best young actor means some more South Asian exposure on the screen. I'd love to see some more brown faces in the pop culture stratosphere. Maybe we'll actually learn to say some foreign names rather than calling Kal Penn Kumar every time he pops up in a movie, regardless of what the actual character's name is.