Today, I accompanied my mother to the gyno's office, where - surprise - they decided to administer the last round of my Gardasil vaccination. Before they did this though, they had to weigh me. I'm not sure why, because I wasn't there for any reason except to get a shot but perhaps they had noticed that I had ballooned since last they saw me.
The scale confirmed my fears were true. My semi-depressive state led me to eat away my troubles and added on a grand total of at least 10 pounds since May (perhaps more). While I know I'm still not "fat" (though obese probably by my aunt and Hollywood's standards), I am much more out of shape than I cared to admit to myself, and at the peak of weight gain for my whole-life-so-far. I knew I was overeating (or perhaps not overeating but just eating a lot of things I wouldn't normally).
I made progress the week I went to Lady Wellness, but that was a month ago and alas, nothing stuck. The DVD I purchased was a waste, as the 1 workout I really wanted of the 10 was somehow not included in the multi-pack. I do have a Barnes and Noble gift card though, and I intend to at least use that for good. I need some sort of modern incarnation of the Paula Abdul workout. Or Exercise TV because it truly is amazing.
Adding to my doctor's appointment humiliation was the fact that the nurse gave me a purple Gardasil band-aid. Couldn't she find a flesh-colored one anywhere? Because she poked me and made me bleed during a routine vaccination, my arm pained enough to the point that I let it be all day. Though I have no judgment on being a virgin, there really is nothing cool about having a giant eyesore band-aid out you.
So, I spent this blog whining once again. Some highlights of the week: $1 wine from Valli Produce, new black trousers and pencil skirt that had been on clearance (naturally) at Old Navy, a surprise visit from Christine and Co., and a coupon found for a free stack of Swedish pancakes at Stockholm Inn.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Desperate times my friend
Ugh. It's official. I've been unproductive for way too long. As much as I've tried to joke about it, I hate having graduated when I did and the fact that I'm applying for jobs at the same time that everyone else is getting fired. I know I'm smart and talented and passionate and all that sort of stuff, but the longer I'm stagnant, the more I will lose.
Yesterday, my father basically suggested that I live at home forever. I interviewed for a pretty cool job last week and my hope is that I land it, so I can have a satisfying job and NOT have to live at home anymore. He actually told me I should just give up on my dreams, get a job at a frickin retail store and stay in my childhood room forever. That would be the solution for me entering into permanent depression.
Considering that most of my friends are gone, that I never "meet" people when I'm home, and that getting a job somewhere I could have worked in high school totally negates all the work I did in college, staying in Rockford an extended period of time is just not a viable option. It's great to know that family has no faith in me. Next thing you know, my father will suggest marrying me off to some vaguely distant, but-not-distant cousin.
Yesterday, my father basically suggested that I live at home forever. I interviewed for a pretty cool job last week and my hope is that I land it, so I can have a satisfying job and NOT have to live at home anymore. He actually told me I should just give up on my dreams, get a job at a frickin retail store and stay in my childhood room forever. That would be the solution for me entering into permanent depression.
Considering that most of my friends are gone, that I never "meet" people when I'm home, and that getting a job somewhere I could have worked in high school totally negates all the work I did in college, staying in Rockford an extended period of time is just not a viable option. It's great to know that family has no faith in me. Next thing you know, my father will suggest marrying me off to some vaguely distant, but-not-distant cousin.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Diversification
In the one of the latest issues of Entertainment Weekly (the one with Angelina on the cover), there's an expose about the lack of minority characters on TV. I'm not sure if the reporters were of my minority descent and therefore, more connected to this issue, but I was surprised that this mainstream pop-culture vehicle (albeit a magazine I would love to work at) made such a progressive step, to criticize networks for lack of representation.
I know from experience that well-meaning non-minority viewers may not recognize underrepresentation of minorities in the media. This is basically because I conducted such a survey for my Soc. class and was not surprised to find out that most people had not realized there were no Asian faces featured in their favorite shows and films. There was a chart breaking down the U.S. population in comparison to TV representation. Strangely enough, NBC supposedly showcases 9 percent Asians. I'm not sure what this means, as 9 percent is awfully close to 10 and there's no way there are that many Asian descent actors/characters on the network.
I told my brother this and he immediately thought of Ann Curry. And of course, there are the odd Japanese and Indian characters on Heroes and Kelly on the Office. But really, as great as these characters are, they're not so much the main characters, or the actors who get the most attention. And still, there're only 5 or 6 people that come to mind, so unless NBC adopts some fully Asian cast TV shows, I'd like to know where they got that statistic.
Speaking of diversity, I tried watching Black in America Sunday night. I was excited, thinking this could possibly be a ground-breaking study/indictment of the mainstream. Not so much from the panel I watched, which mainly criticized Black men for not being good fathers. I think there are so many deeper issues to be explored, but that's just me and I suppose I'm more informed about race than the average CNN viewer. By doing this show, I really think CNN is admitting that its audience is liberal White America, a group of scholastically intelligent but racially ignorant people. I wish there was a better reporter in charge of the series. I looked up Soledad O'Brien and found that she's half Afro-Cuban, a background that I suppose qualified her for the position. I'm not trying to discount her blackness but I did not find her to be a capable moderator. Especially when she said (this is not word for word) "Spike Lee, the voice of Black America said ..." Yipes. Was there no one less patronizing of Black culture anywhere within the CNN corporation? For some people, I can see how an explanation of others' situation could be helpful, but I couldn't entirely shake the spectacle aspect.
I know from experience that well-meaning non-minority viewers may not recognize underrepresentation of minorities in the media. This is basically because I conducted such a survey for my Soc. class and was not surprised to find out that most people had not realized there were no Asian faces featured in their favorite shows and films. There was a chart breaking down the U.S. population in comparison to TV representation. Strangely enough, NBC supposedly showcases 9 percent Asians. I'm not sure what this means, as 9 percent is awfully close to 10 and there's no way there are that many Asian descent actors/characters on the network.
I told my brother this and he immediately thought of Ann Curry. And of course, there are the odd Japanese and Indian characters on Heroes and Kelly on the Office. But really, as great as these characters are, they're not so much the main characters, or the actors who get the most attention. And still, there're only 5 or 6 people that come to mind, so unless NBC adopts some fully Asian cast TV shows, I'd like to know where they got that statistic.
Speaking of diversity, I tried watching Black in America Sunday night. I was excited, thinking this could possibly be a ground-breaking study/indictment of the mainstream. Not so much from the panel I watched, which mainly criticized Black men for not being good fathers. I think there are so many deeper issues to be explored, but that's just me and I suppose I'm more informed about race than the average CNN viewer. By doing this show, I really think CNN is admitting that its audience is liberal White America, a group of scholastically intelligent but racially ignorant people. I wish there was a better reporter in charge of the series. I looked up Soledad O'Brien and found that she's half Afro-Cuban, a background that I suppose qualified her for the position. I'm not trying to discount her blackness but I did not find her to be a capable moderator. Especially when she said (this is not word for word) "Spike Lee, the voice of Black America said ..." Yipes. Was there no one less patronizing of Black culture anywhere within the CNN corporation? For some people, I can see how an explanation of others' situation could be helpful, but I couldn't entirely shake the spectacle aspect.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Stop and smell the roses
Dearest readers,
I'm sorry for complaining so much/all the time. As much as it sucks to be bored/unemployed/broke and in Rockford, it's really not that bad. I mean, as far as I know, I'm healthy and there exist people who care about me (especially if they are willing to read my blog!).
Yesterday was crazy. I had spent Wednesday night drinking and catching up with my oldest friend. I expected Thursday morning to be a bit hazy, but all was well. I woke up to a good omen: a phone call from the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel recruiter saying my interview was to be the following Thursday.
And then I got up and walked around. I found a funeral procession outside my window. I don't know about you, but when you get up and that's the first imagery you notice in your day, I find it sort of creepy. It was especially disturbing as it appeared that one of my newest neighbors, people who appear to have moved just over this summer, had passed.
Following that picture, my mom learned from my grandmother over the phone that a very young relative of mine was sick. So my mom called my (second) cousin and found out that her baby girl has a brain tumor. WTF? I believe she's all of 3 years. Though I had only seen the girl once, it was a good memory. And when my mom told me, it set me off. This is a smart, precious, adorable child. Not more than a baby. I really, truly hope that something can be done to help her. And seeing as this is one of those unfair life situations, I'm going to try to shut my trap and just appreciate things for a while, no matter what. So, the next time I bitch at you, tell me to shut up. And smell the damn roses.
I'm sorry for complaining so much/all the time. As much as it sucks to be bored/unemployed/broke and in Rockford, it's really not that bad. I mean, as far as I know, I'm healthy and there exist people who care about me (especially if they are willing to read my blog!).
Yesterday was crazy. I had spent Wednesday night drinking and catching up with my oldest friend. I expected Thursday morning to be a bit hazy, but all was well. I woke up to a good omen: a phone call from the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel recruiter saying my interview was to be the following Thursday.
And then I got up and walked around. I found a funeral procession outside my window. I don't know about you, but when you get up and that's the first imagery you notice in your day, I find it sort of creepy. It was especially disturbing as it appeared that one of my newest neighbors, people who appear to have moved just over this summer, had passed.
Following that picture, my mom learned from my grandmother over the phone that a very young relative of mine was sick. So my mom called my (second) cousin and found out that her baby girl has a brain tumor. WTF? I believe she's all of 3 years. Though I had only seen the girl once, it was a good memory. And when my mom told me, it set me off. This is a smart, precious, adorable child. Not more than a baby. I really, truly hope that something can be done to help her. And seeing as this is one of those unfair life situations, I'm going to try to shut my trap and just appreciate things for a while, no matter what. So, the next time I bitch at you, tell me to shut up. And smell the damn roses.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Romantically Handicapped
I'm getting to that age where my lack of romantic situation is just sort of pathetic. I never noticed/cared before, but now that I'm unemployed and chilling with my family 90% of the time, the fact that I should be out on a date on a Friday night instead of watching some tired DVD with my family is acutely highlighted.
Apparently, when my mother was India, her older cousin propositioned me. There is some "nice boy" of 30 years living in North Carolina who I should look into. Thankfully, my mother is extremely liberal and had the sense to tell her cousin that I could care less. I mean, I'm only 22 and have zero relationships under my belt; there's no way I'd ever consider marriage at this point in my life.
This awkwardness got me thinking about it though. Who knows when I will enter into a functional relationship; perhaps the next time someone proposes something to me I'll be in 40s. Sad thought, but given that that part of my life has progressed at such a snail's pace, who knows. All I know is that it's not going to happen like the movies. I will not be approached in the bookstore, at the library, at a cafe, at the gym, etc. I will only be degraded by desperate men in the bars. So what are my options? Probably to move away and get a new group of friends, one that includes some prospective men. Or to join some sort of site/group. Or to be set up. Which could be nice, although I wonder that my girlfriends have available guy friends like that.
Anyhow, that's about the furthest any arrangement will take place in my love life. Like I said, thank god for a sensible mother who scoffs at aunties when they speak of arranged marriage. I can see how if I was India that would be an option, given that many women have no male interaction outside their family. But for somebody who grew here with plenty of mingling but never knew how to interact properly, that just doesn't make sense.
Apparently, when my mother was India, her older cousin propositioned me. There is some "nice boy" of 30 years living in North Carolina who I should look into. Thankfully, my mother is extremely liberal and had the sense to tell her cousin that I could care less. I mean, I'm only 22 and have zero relationships under my belt; there's no way I'd ever consider marriage at this point in my life.
This awkwardness got me thinking about it though. Who knows when I will enter into a functional relationship; perhaps the next time someone proposes something to me I'll be in 40s. Sad thought, but given that that part of my life has progressed at such a snail's pace, who knows. All I know is that it's not going to happen like the movies. I will not be approached in the bookstore, at the library, at a cafe, at the gym, etc. I will only be degraded by desperate men in the bars. So what are my options? Probably to move away and get a new group of friends, one that includes some prospective men. Or to join some sort of site/group. Or to be set up. Which could be nice, although I wonder that my girlfriends have available guy friends like that.
Anyhow, that's about the furthest any arrangement will take place in my love life. Like I said, thank god for a sensible mother who scoffs at aunties when they speak of arranged marriage. I can see how if I was India that would be an option, given that many women have no male interaction outside their family. But for somebody who grew here with plenty of mingling but never knew how to interact properly, that just doesn't make sense.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Better Shop Around
My lack of money is definitely getting to be a problem, as it corresponds to me also needing just about everything. Having just graduated college, I've outgrown much of my clothing, which I've accumulated since high school. I know I need to lose weight and my jeans have affirmed this because every single pair has torn/worn out in the thigh area, of course from the friction of my thighs rubbing together. Instead of giving me incentive though, the thought is just depressing.
Kira had given each of the roommates a $25 Gap gift card for graduation, and I was looking forward to spending it, thinking like a moron that I'd be able to use it for more than one article of clothing. The Gap in Cherryvale Mall went out of business a year or two back and I didn't want to redeem the card at Old Navy, since their pants never fit me no matter what. My family set out for the Huntley Outlets yesterday, excited about free clothing. No such luck. Of course, the prices at the outlet mall were still too expensive for us.
Because I found a pair of jeans that appeared to fit me perfectly (though it was not the rinse I wanted, apparently short people can't be choosy), I decided to buy it. Apparently, I have "curvy" thighs. It was $39.99 with $5 off and $25, so I thought, OK these jeans will still be cheap even though I have to sacrifice my entire gift card. They had the most adorable shoes on clearance for $8.99 and I had to give in because of my obsession with accessories. I thought the bill would be low, maybe $15, but it was still $23, even with the gift card. Which made me feel like the gift card was worthless. Now that I have one pair of wearable jeans, I will wear them around everywhere until I find a decent pair under $25 that I can actually afford. In the meantime of me getting a job, clothing purchases shall be on the back burner.
Kira had given each of the roommates a $25 Gap gift card for graduation, and I was looking forward to spending it, thinking like a moron that I'd be able to use it for more than one article of clothing. The Gap in Cherryvale Mall went out of business a year or two back and I didn't want to redeem the card at Old Navy, since their pants never fit me no matter what. My family set out for the Huntley Outlets yesterday, excited about free clothing. No such luck. Of course, the prices at the outlet mall were still too expensive for us.
Because I found a pair of jeans that appeared to fit me perfectly (though it was not the rinse I wanted, apparently short people can't be choosy), I decided to buy it. Apparently, I have "curvy" thighs. It was $39.99 with $5 off and $25, so I thought, OK these jeans will still be cheap even though I have to sacrifice my entire gift card. They had the most adorable shoes on clearance for $8.99 and I had to give in because of my obsession with accessories. I thought the bill would be low, maybe $15, but it was still $23, even with the gift card. Which made me feel like the gift card was worthless. Now that I have one pair of wearable jeans, I will wear them around everywhere until I find a decent pair under $25 that I can actually afford. In the meantime of me getting a job, clothing purchases shall be on the back burner.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Cheaps laughs at the expensive of cultural integrity
Media racism against Asian people never seems to cease or get noticed because they're small enough members of the large U.S. population and I mean their accents and costumes are funny, so they're asking for it, right? Ugh. No. So why is it that stereotypical and offensive images turn up just about everywhere and film producers, etc. aren't required to defend their choices? So much material for Bitch, please, the e-zine on minority Christine and I are planning.
Last night, I watched 27 Dresses. I had known going into the viewing that it would not be a great movie, maybe not even good, but that it would some frothy, light entertainment. I would get to laugh at some poor fashion choices and watch James Marsden. Within the first few minutes, I started to get out of film viewer zone. This movie was just so unrelatable and unrealistic and not interesting enough to make up for the other two aspects and have the fantasy be watchable. The film starts with Heigl traveling back and forth between two weddings she was picked to be a bridesmaid for. In the cab, she's able to put on and take off her sari. This is where critical me kicked in. I don't care about her "not wearing the sari properly" as people have previously said. I just refuse to believe someone inexperienced could get into full Indian garb while sitting down in a cab. That's fine though, unbelievable but not offensive.
The dialogue/imagery that got to me was a mockery of Japanese culture. James Marsden, who I've crushed on since he appeared in a terrible '90s TV show as a teen father, looks at a kimono hanging in Heigl's (Jane's) closet during a fashion show of her 27 supposedly hideous bridesmaid dresses and says something along the lines of, "What's with Benihana?" I've never been to that restaurant but I know from the Office that it's a chain Japanese restaurant. Saying that about a kimono is the equivalent of looking at a peasant blouse and making a snide remark about Taco Bell in my eyes, or insert your own ethnic dress with ethnic restaurant.
For a movie with few minority characters, other than the token Indians, the Benihana comment came off as totally intolerant. Heigl dons the kimono (which I happen to think is pretty) and does a little demure bow to Marsden's character. She re-enacts the whole passive Asian woman routine. There's also a brief flashback to the ceremony, where she's shown having to bend down low to be the same size as the rest of the women in the wedding party, you know cuz Asians are always so short. Arg. Even though this scene is no longer than 3 minutes, it took me completely out of the movie. Kimonos are beautiful and so was the sari she wore; I mean really, does traditional always have to equal backwards and ugly in the camera lens?
Along those lines, the Cheetah Girls in India film is slated to come out soon. I have to admit, I love that the actresses were flown on location and the film was supposed to be Bollywood influenced, and yet, in Disney documentary footage commercials, the choreographers were all flown in from America, not native to India. So, how is it that the movie is fusing cultures? More like mimicking. I secretly want to see this movie, only to poke holes in everything but I think no one educated of my own age would watch it, and the tweens who this film is targeted to just wouldn't understand how Cheetah Girls creators are just projecting their image of India upon India rather than actually learning from the culture. As I was searching for a photo for this movie, I ran across the Wikipedia site, from which I learned that the Indian love interest is played by an Ecuadorian American guy. Really? Can't Vikram be played by a legitimate Indian actor, especially since they went all the way to India for the Indians????? That vague ethnicness never fails to irritate me, especially when it's in a situation such as this, where I'm sure one could find a struggling actor in India (you know, the non-Bollywood art actors).
Speaking of vaguely Indian, no amount of money could give me incentive to watch the Love Guru. At first I thought the blatant brownface was going to get past critics and audiences who seem to accept all of Mike Meyer's crap (I'm sorry, I was never that into Austin Powers), but for once, Indians sprang into action, pointing out just how insensitive the film is. And critics too panned the film for being one-dimensional and disrespectful. I hope this movie dies quickly. The Love Guru also made me lose all respect for Ben Kingsley, the Anglo-Indian actor who went back to his Indian roots (despite his name change to make him appear wholly Anglo) for Ghandi, but was quick to ditch all of that for some quick laughs in this movie. OK so he doesn't identify as Indian, that's his psychological damage, but why does he get to choose when he can be Indian? And now, just to make fun of the culture he abondoned?
I wonder if I could get hired as an Asian sensitivity consultant on films. That would be amazing.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Such a ridiculous day
My Saturday began at 6, when my father rudely awakened me. Since I am unemployed and just generally blah, my father was taking me to see a woman who goes by the name Amma (or mother) who heals through hugs and is believed to be a saint. I received her blessing once before and the process had taken hours, but that was when I was in high school, so I thought things would have changed for the better.
Well, actually they are more ridiculous. My parents really believe in this woman, and I tried hard to suppress the sceptic in me. Please take no offense to what I write below, it was just that some things unnerved me. The first thing I noticed when I got there was that her followers, the volunteers who go on tour with her across the country and set her programs, were 99 percent white. Which is interesting, given that this woman is Indian, from Kerala. When I stepped into the suburban Chicago hotel I felt that I had stepped into a fair, maybe a convention. Not a place of religious significance. Her people were hawking blessed goods at booths, and supposed fair-trade items to go toward her charity. She has some really great sounding charities but I would prefer that people donate instead of having to walk past rows of booths to get to my seat.
Other than the craft fair, some guy named Doctor Wang was offering acupuncture in the lobby. Also White Americans were doing horoscope readings. Though I don't believe in astrology, my conception is that it's semi-sacred, that only certain people "have the power to do it." So much commercialism and branding surrounded this woman who just wanted to help other people, who was doling out hugs and sharing her love.
Her hippie groups flanked her and made decisions for her. They marketed the Amma concept. They had co-opted something that some Hindu people hold in the highest regard. Her people had also all adopted Sanskrit names and spoke with a new-age tone. I ran into many a pretentious hippie, one of the most annoying categories of people. The fellow next to me sleeps in his van when he goes on her tour. Another guy at lunch (ugh lunch, made for people with non-Indian tastebuds, the curry was completely tasteless) told the girl next to me that Henry Kissinger and the U.S. administration invented AIDS so they could kill off unnecessary people. and these people love to spout their bs half-developed Eastern philosophy as well.
Seeing her was nice, though brief. Her handlers shoved me at her. They also pissed me off. We had earlier watched a documentary in which Amma said she believes in gender equality, that men should not come before women. Well, I was standing in line in front of my father. Her people told me that men need to go before women. Huh. Well aren't they just listening to all of her teachings? The experience was cheapened for me, especially seeing as there were many a non-Hindu American person (which is fine, I don't care what people believe in) dressed for lawn cutting. Have some respect. Do not go before someone thought to be hole-y in a tattered tank top. It was a nice suburb after all, I know these people had not wandered in off the streets.
Fours hours after I had arrived, I had been hugged and blessed but was left once again with distaste for organized religion. That something so pure had turned into such a brand disgusted me.
A few hours later, I prepared for a night on the town. After a nap, my disillusionment had melted and I was ready for a drink or two. Sha'Donna was in town and called me up saying some friends were going to a popular Rockford bar. I called Phyllis and the two of us decided to jump start our evening. Fortunately, there were some beautiful men at Cousins. Unfortunately, everyone goes there so I had to run into people from my past. Like a former co-worker who always hit on and did again today when I went on facebook, even though he's been with his gf all this time and brought her to the bar.
Once we left Cousins and went to the Breeze, everything was fun. The place was small but charming. The large group reunion was unplanned and just a blast. I always worry about running into high school classmates, but these were all people whose company I enjoy. There was love and drunkenness all around (though I was driving, so I was not drunk). Plus, I had a new experience. When we left, Phyllis and I had to pee so bad we stopped at Wal-Mart at 2 in the morning. And the women's restroom was out of order, so I said screw it, we're using the mens. And that's how I came to use the men's room for the first time ever.
Well, actually they are more ridiculous. My parents really believe in this woman, and I tried hard to suppress the sceptic in me. Please take no offense to what I write below, it was just that some things unnerved me. The first thing I noticed when I got there was that her followers, the volunteers who go on tour with her across the country and set her programs, were 99 percent white. Which is interesting, given that this woman is Indian, from Kerala. When I stepped into the suburban Chicago hotel I felt that I had stepped into a fair, maybe a convention. Not a place of religious significance. Her people were hawking blessed goods at booths, and supposed fair-trade items to go toward her charity. She has some really great sounding charities but I would prefer that people donate instead of having to walk past rows of booths to get to my seat.
Other than the craft fair, some guy named Doctor Wang was offering acupuncture in the lobby. Also White Americans were doing horoscope readings. Though I don't believe in astrology, my conception is that it's semi-sacred, that only certain people "have the power to do it." So much commercialism and branding surrounded this woman who just wanted to help other people, who was doling out hugs and sharing her love.
Her hippie groups flanked her and made decisions for her. They marketed the Amma concept. They had co-opted something that some Hindu people hold in the highest regard. Her people had also all adopted Sanskrit names and spoke with a new-age tone. I ran into many a pretentious hippie, one of the most annoying categories of people. The fellow next to me sleeps in his van when he goes on her tour. Another guy at lunch (ugh lunch, made for people with non-Indian tastebuds, the curry was completely tasteless) told the girl next to me that Henry Kissinger and the U.S. administration invented AIDS so they could kill off unnecessary people. and these people love to spout their bs half-developed Eastern philosophy as well.
Seeing her was nice, though brief. Her handlers shoved me at her. They also pissed me off. We had earlier watched a documentary in which Amma said she believes in gender equality, that men should not come before women. Well, I was standing in line in front of my father. Her people told me that men need to go before women. Huh. Well aren't they just listening to all of her teachings? The experience was cheapened for me, especially seeing as there were many a non-Hindu American person (which is fine, I don't care what people believe in) dressed for lawn cutting. Have some respect. Do not go before someone thought to be hole-y in a tattered tank top. It was a nice suburb after all, I know these people had not wandered in off the streets.
Fours hours after I had arrived, I had been hugged and blessed but was left once again with distaste for organized religion. That something so pure had turned into such a brand disgusted me.
A few hours later, I prepared for a night on the town. After a nap, my disillusionment had melted and I was ready for a drink or two. Sha'Donna was in town and called me up saying some friends were going to a popular Rockford bar. I called Phyllis and the two of us decided to jump start our evening. Fortunately, there were some beautiful men at Cousins. Unfortunately, everyone goes there so I had to run into people from my past. Like a former co-worker who always hit on and did again today when I went on facebook, even though he's been with his gf all this time and brought her to the bar.
Once we left Cousins and went to the Breeze, everything was fun. The place was small but charming. The large group reunion was unplanned and just a blast. I always worry about running into high school classmates, but these were all people whose company I enjoy. There was love and drunkenness all around (though I was driving, so I was not drunk). Plus, I had a new experience. When we left, Phyllis and I had to pee so bad we stopped at Wal-Mart at 2 in the morning. And the women's restroom was out of order, so I said screw it, we're using the mens. And that's how I came to use the men's room for the first time ever.
Friday, July 4, 2008
I am Slowly Going Crazy
Well, today's July 4th. And I have absolutely no plans. Which would be Ok, except that my father has the day off and I think most of the stores are closed, and most people I've spoken to have family plans. So I'm kind of trapped with my father. Who - I'm not kidding - I think is crazy. And as a result of spending too much time with only him in the last three weeks, has spread his craziness to me.
Earlier today, I was forced to stay within the confines of my bedroom for an hour (and will be later again today if I'm at home) because my father 'works out' by strapping on two layers of flannel while jumping up and down in place and listening to devotional Hindu music with no headphones on. Lemme tell you, you never want to hear a bhajan ever, they consist of high-pitched harmonies that sound like an animal is being killed. This literally always gives me a headache as my house is cheap and small, and I can always hear the music and the noise of my house shaking, even when I'm in my locked in my room. So that annoys me at least twice a day when he's at home. Plus my father has a tendency to mumble to himself and also randomly yells out my name like he has Turret's. And also to hover over me.
You probably thought my father was weird when you met him, but now you know. He tried to be normal today by suggesting we go Chicago or Lake Geneva. When I asked him what we'd do there (seeing as we don't even converse normally), he said we could sit there. WTF? Why would we drive somewhere and just sit there? I most certainly would have gone to Taste had I money or were there decent public transport from Rockford. As a result, I am stewing in my own madness currently, wishing someone would invite me to a barbecue with copious liquor. Having no money def. sucks. And I do not want to go out by myself in hopes that someone will buy me a drink. Someone from my past might see me, and I would have to drive there and man do I wish I was still in college! I think my course of action will be to drive around town until the gas tank runs out. I see extensive therapy in future. For now, thanks blogger, for being my free shrink.
Earlier today, I was forced to stay within the confines of my bedroom for an hour (and will be later again today if I'm at home) because my father 'works out' by strapping on two layers of flannel while jumping up and down in place and listening to devotional Hindu music with no headphones on. Lemme tell you, you never want to hear a bhajan ever, they consist of high-pitched harmonies that sound like an animal is being killed. This literally always gives me a headache as my house is cheap and small, and I can always hear the music and the noise of my house shaking, even when I'm in my locked in my room. So that annoys me at least twice a day when he's at home. Plus my father has a tendency to mumble to himself and also randomly yells out my name like he has Turret's. And also to hover over me.
You probably thought my father was weird when you met him, but now you know. He tried to be normal today by suggesting we go Chicago or Lake Geneva. When I asked him what we'd do there (seeing as we don't even converse normally), he said we could sit there. WTF? Why would we drive somewhere and just sit there? I most certainly would have gone to Taste had I money or were there decent public transport from Rockford. As a result, I am stewing in my own madness currently, wishing someone would invite me to a barbecue with copious liquor. Having no money def. sucks. And I do not want to go out by myself in hopes that someone will buy me a drink. Someone from my past might see me, and I would have to drive there and man do I wish I was still in college! I think my course of action will be to drive around town until the gas tank runs out. I see extensive therapy in future. For now, thanks blogger, for being my free shrink.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
What goes down must come up eventually
Tuesday night I was confronted with my own inadequacies as I ran into an Aunty at Lady Wellness, the gym I'm abusing for a free week - I totally took two free razors yesterday. It's a really nice gym, complete with deodorant and hairspray dispensers affixed to the wall, complimentary razors next to the shower stalls, dance classes, and a spa (though that's not free). This Aunty is sort of gossip central amongst the Indian community in Rockford. For future reference, I'm not speaking of anyone who is actually related to me but rather a middle-aged woman of Indian origin. When I walked in, I saw her on the treadmill and knew I'd have to confront her seeing as the elliptical is my machine and is located in front of the treadmills. Also, I realized in the locker room when I was undressing and spotted my bank teller looking at me that I should never be a paying member there.
Although I avoided eye contact, it was unavoidable. As soon as I stopped for a water break, she came over to me. During our conversation, I had to tell her that I have no job and no real prospects at this time. Also that I'm poor (although I said it better . . . she asked me if I was shopping a lot and I had to laugh because what money would I be using to shop, especially A LOT) and she must have noted that I'm out of shape. And no doubt, from gossip central the message about me got passed around. Plus she too, like all other Indian people, thinks me incapable of taking care of myself, so that was great for my ego as well. Needless to say, I felt gross when I left (and not just because sweat was pouring out of me).
But yesterday I got over it. I was approved to write an eco-blog for this Web site: greenzoneonline.com and even though I'm really making no profit out of it, my name's getting out there and I'm keeping my mind busy. Plus, I cooked two actual from scratch meals and they tasted amazing. Some Indian curry yesterday made of potato cubes, spinach, onions, yogurt, chili powder, tomatoes, and hot sauce. That was followed up this morning by French toast with strawberries and whipped cream. I did not fuck up the toast, I was so excited. The first creation was improv and the second was a re-imagining of a Food Network recipe. I'm thinking now of taking the "College Student Cooking Show" a project of Christine, Kelly, and myself to a blog. By that I mean, we made up a lot of concoctions and 90 percent of the time, they tasted great. I've seen many more ads on Craigslist for bloggers and since Greenzone turned out to be legit, I think I will join a few more sites. Who knows, maybe I will work my way up to $20 a week.
I've also read 1/2 of all of David Sedaris' books in the last week. It's been enjoyable. And I've got my new library card, so things are better than they were Tuesday. I'm optimistic and I know eventually I'll find a job in which I don't have to compromise myself too much.
Although I avoided eye contact, it was unavoidable. As soon as I stopped for a water break, she came over to me. During our conversation, I had to tell her that I have no job and no real prospects at this time. Also that I'm poor (although I said it better . . . she asked me if I was shopping a lot and I had to laugh because what money would I be using to shop, especially A LOT) and she must have noted that I'm out of shape. And no doubt, from gossip central the message about me got passed around. Plus she too, like all other Indian people, thinks me incapable of taking care of myself, so that was great for my ego as well. Needless to say, I felt gross when I left (and not just because sweat was pouring out of me).
But yesterday I got over it. I was approved to write an eco-blog for this Web site: greenzoneonline.com and even though I'm really making no profit out of it, my name's getting out there and I'm keeping my mind busy. Plus, I cooked two actual from scratch meals and they tasted amazing. Some Indian curry yesterday made of potato cubes, spinach, onions, yogurt, chili powder, tomatoes, and hot sauce. That was followed up this morning by French toast with strawberries and whipped cream. I did not fuck up the toast, I was so excited. The first creation was improv and the second was a re-imagining of a Food Network recipe. I'm thinking now of taking the "College Student Cooking Show" a project of Christine, Kelly, and myself to a blog. By that I mean, we made up a lot of concoctions and 90 percent of the time, they tasted great. I've seen many more ads on Craigslist for bloggers and since Greenzone turned out to be legit, I think I will join a few more sites. Who knows, maybe I will work my way up to $20 a week.
I've also read 1/2 of all of David Sedaris' books in the last week. It's been enjoyable. And I've got my new library card, so things are better than they were Tuesday. I'm optimistic and I know eventually I'll find a job in which I don't have to compromise myself too much.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Reality TV bites
Normally, I ignore MTV reality shows (other than Made and True Life that is) because I'm of the philosophy that watching a few minutes of them will kill too many brain cells. Last night while flipping the channels I came across what appeared to be the last five minutes of A Shot of Love. The star, Tila Tequila kind of weirds me out because she looks like a human Bratz doll. And she also just looks dirty, as though she bathes in tequila instead of drinking it. Tequila's supposed to be bi, and - whoa what a concept - has to decide if she wants to be with a man or woman on her dating show. While Tequila grossed me out annoyed me because of her embodiment of the Asian fetish, I never took her to be a moron. Even though she supposedly had a million MySpace friends, I never heard of her until I saw a commercial for this show. I assumed she was just using the show to build up her star power, like how Flava Flav used his Vh1 show, and ultimately ended up with some woman he never dated on the show.
It seems she had picked the girl instead of the guy, which is kind of surprising. Rather unsurprisingly, the girl rejected her. Aren't we all used to this happening in reality dating shows by now? The point is certainly not to fall in love, but for all parties involved to gain some momentary fame. Tequila is dumber than I expected if she thought the girl would end up with her. She cried on and on about why is this happening to me? What am I doing wrong? Blah Blah Blah. Trying to find a mate on a reality show is laughable at this point. I know people love these shows but honestly, the extreme whoring out just gives me a headache.
It seems she had picked the girl instead of the guy, which is kind of surprising. Rather unsurprisingly, the girl rejected her. Aren't we all used to this happening in reality dating shows by now? The point is certainly not to fall in love, but for all parties involved to gain some momentary fame. Tequila is dumber than I expected if she thought the girl would end up with her. She cried on and on about why is this happening to me? What am I doing wrong? Blah Blah Blah. Trying to find a mate on a reality show is laughable at this point. I know people love these shows but honestly, the extreme whoring out just gives me a headache.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
July already?
I need to make some changes.
I've done one good thing already. I got a free week pass to go to Lady Wellness, which is a pretty nice work-out place. You can print off a pass online, and I plan to go every day this week. They seem friendly there and for some reason, I could push myself to burn off more calories there than I did when I tested out Anytime Fitness. While there, I saw this story on CNN, which revealed the racism of Indian people.
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/06/26/america/NA-GEN-US-Contract-Killing.php
It's pretty fucked up. But CNN was cute, they thought they were exposing our "racial hierarchy," which I guess they were to most people. They even played a Fair and Lovely commercial, which I referenced earlier in this blog. This man's actions makes me embarrassed about my culture. We need to get over ourselves. Most of us are not white or light, at least in the American context, so we need to embrace our coloredness and that of others.
OK, I will move on to my original topic and perhaps return to this later. I need to suck it up and get a job. Even if that means people I know will see me working at the mall or some such place; whatever, I should not be so shallow. Or I need to get a secretarial job. After my last rent payment and my trip to Wisc, I'm running out o cash fast. I already used up my grad cash as well as the "scholarship" U of I gave me to offset this phase of life. Though I still have some savings, it's not much. My savings and my checking are the same account, so I need to watch what I spend. So even though all my jeans have developed holes and I want to go out drinking and such, I need to be frugal right now. Until I get a crap job.
Also, I'm looking into paid blogging gigs. Cuz even though they don't exactly pay a salary, what could be more fun.
Also, I need to find some free places where I could meet people. I'll have to work on that one ...
I've done one good thing already. I got a free week pass to go to Lady Wellness, which is a pretty nice work-out place. You can print off a pass online, and I plan to go every day this week. They seem friendly there and for some reason, I could push myself to burn off more calories there than I did when I tested out Anytime Fitness. While there, I saw this story on CNN, which revealed the racism of Indian people.
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/06/26/america/NA-GEN-US-Contract-Killing.php
It's pretty fucked up. But CNN was cute, they thought they were exposing our "racial hierarchy," which I guess they were to most people. They even played a Fair and Lovely commercial, which I referenced earlier in this blog. This man's actions makes me embarrassed about my culture. We need to get over ourselves. Most of us are not white or light, at least in the American context, so we need to embrace our coloredness and that of others.
OK, I will move on to my original topic and perhaps return to this later. I need to suck it up and get a job. Even if that means people I know will see me working at the mall or some such place; whatever, I should not be so shallow. Or I need to get a secretarial job. After my last rent payment and my trip to Wisc, I'm running out o cash fast. I already used up my grad cash as well as the "scholarship" U of I gave me to offset this phase of life. Though I still have some savings, it's not much. My savings and my checking are the same account, so I need to watch what I spend. So even though all my jeans have developed holes and I want to go out drinking and such, I need to be frugal right now. Until I get a crap job.
Also, I'm looking into paid blogging gigs. Cuz even though they don't exactly pay a salary, what could be more fun.
Also, I need to find some free places where I could meet people. I'll have to work on that one ...
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