Love and Other Uncomfortable Emotions

Today, I had a crisis to deal with.

My little brother's prom date caught mono and I spent the evening offering him guidance. Now, I spent part of the last month gently urging my brother to gather the courage to ask a date to prom. The first girl he asked turned him down. The second girl (this chick with mono) was a friend, who already had a boyfriend... but she agreed.

Cut to two nights before prom and my brother receives a text message stating that it will be highly unlikely she will be able to accompany him to the prom. Of course he already has the ticket, tux and corsage ordered. As the older sister, my heart went out to him. I really just wanted to fix the situation. I suggested he ask out his co-worker, and my mom and I helped him build up the nerve to do this. Turns out she had something else to do that night.

Yikes. I feel like I struck out with my brother. Love, even high school-style like can be a scary thing. Dances are the height of awkward. Especially landmark dances like homecoming and prom. You feel like you have to go, because it's prom. It won't mark your life; it shouldn't be the highlight of your life, but hey, it's part of the archetypal high school experience.

All this drama took me back to my own prom. I had a twisted self-image in high school. Not that I don't still have a terrible self-image, but at the time, I was confused into thinking that even though I didn't have any guys demonstrating interest in me, somebody would ask me out. I waited what seemed to be an acceptable amount of time, and then so I wouldn't look desperate or pathetic, I asked out a platonic friend, a coworker of mine that nobody at my school knew.

I don't for one second regret my prom date. I do regret: Ignoring my date as much as I did since I was having so much fun with my friend + Getting my make-up done at the Clinique counter at the mall. Never again Clinique!

Jerry was a good friend and I'm glad I picked a date I could have fun with. And one who was there to cater to me on my night. However, I do on some level, wish that I had pushed myself romantically. Gone outside the safety zone, so to speak. Cut to six years later and I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with the uncomfortable. As a result, I would say that I've never been on a date date (with someone who wasn't just a friend) that I enjoyed.

Here's hoping I can be brave enough to explore my feelings and find myself on a real date with a guy I'm crushing on within the next six years!