It's A Bittersweet Symphony

I've probably used that title before. If so, I apologize. It's just that so many things in life are bittersweet.

Yesterday was my last day at work. As those who follow this blog may know, I never had any intention of staying on at the bank. I just couldn't get anything to work out and I figured that after a dryspell summer I would accept the first decent job I was offered and continue looking in my free time.

And the first weekend I was on the job, I got a call from Entertainment fuckin' Weekly. My dream job. Or my dream internship. It was paid, and it was the in for all that I wanted for the future. And I messed up the sample blog entry I was supposed to write for them. I was just so excited. When I think back on it (I refuse to look back on it), I'm embarrassed at the way I rambled on. Point is, I didn't get the gig. I didn't get any of the jobs I applied for in the 11 months I worked at National City.

At first, I fought it a lot. I wanted to show people that my degree was worth something. I was tired of people mocking journalism, asking me how possibly, I could have a Bachelor of Science in a major that seems so illogical.

After a while, I gave in. It was a steady paycheck. Health insurance. New glasses! A car. A credit card. All the things I needed. And I liked my bosses, save for our Friday morning meetings, I enjoyed chatting with them. They thought I was smart, meant to advance in the company... if I stuck around. I cultivated relationships with my coworkers. I grew to think of us a somewhat dysfunctional work family. In the months that followed the break-up of our family, I grew very close to my work sisters. I don't have much of a life in Rockford. I have my group of friends, and I love them but, I hope to keep in touch with my work buddies, so even though I'm not associated with work, we can still be buddies.

Now, I definitely won't miss our customers. Well, a handful maybe, some sweet old ladies and some interesting folks. But I will say one thing, we had a lot of characters. They make for great stories and one day, I hope to compile these tales into my tell-all novel, Behind the Teller Line.

I always imagined that leaving Southgate would be one of the happiest days of my year. And it's true that I was happy. Moving on to bigger and better things. (I hope!) But still, things are a bit uncertain. I feel like I did when I graduated. One chapter closed. Another one not yet written. And that's both exciting and scary at the same time. I haven't yet received my itinerary for training next week. Though I have my training cofirmation, it's strange not to know what exactly I'll be doing.

One thing is certain, it'll be strange not to make the drive down 11th Street tomorrow. I'm so used to being at work that when my home phone rings, I always have to steady myself so I don't accidentally knock out, "National City Southgate, this is Divya, how can I help you?"

I'M BACK!!!!!

Upon reviewing my blog, I've come to realize I haven't updated this thing in months. There have been a couple of reasons for my self-imposed hiatus, most of which, I will admit, are rather self-indulgent.

Issue No. 1 has to do with my job at the bank. I was bored, and I needed a way out. I was having issues with authority. My coworkers and I attempted to launch a workers' revolution but, in many ways, we failed because, well, the little man usually doesn't win in corporate situations.

This may sound dramatic but, I felt myself getting dumber. This was not where I had imagined my life going when I was in my apartment dreaming about the future a little more than a year ago. From the Tribune to customer service representative.

It was getting me down to the point where instead of being proactive and productive, I retreated into my headspace and stayed there for a while, feeling sorry for myself.

This, my friends, is a terribly dangerous road to go down. I'm more annoyed than I can express that I allowed myself to dumb down instead of working on the one thing I have always been good at: writing.
Well, this work funk has been lifted. I found a new job!!!! Saturday is my last day at the bank and as much as I will miss my work buddies, I am more than ready to move on. To move out of the trailer neighborhood. To do something that allows me to actually write, even if it's not the kind of writing I planned to do. Because I've been a terrible friend of late, you are probably wondering, what the hell are you going to be doing Divya? Thanks for letting me know! I do apologize.

So here's what I'm going to be doing. I'm going to be a resource developer for Youthbuild, which operates under the umbrella non-profit Comprehensive Community Solutions here in Rockford. What I'm going to be doing there is procuring funds. Writing grants, networking, generally scrounging up money. And also writing marketing materials. I'm excited. Youthbuild is a pretty cool national program that takes kids who didn't graduate from high school and teaches them a vocational skill (in this case, construction - they build houses) and prepares them to earn their GED. I will be paid through an AmeriCorps stipend. So I guess I have come full circle in terms of my idealism. Though it wasn't my intention, I responded to the call to service. My former boss said (and this is jokingly, he is a Republican but, good-natured) that AmeriCorps is like Obama's version of Hitler's Youth. I guess you could say though one is for good and one was for evil, they were both organizations motivated by young people who felt empowered by a public official. On top of the pay, I will receive a grant which will either pay back much of my student loans or will go toward grad school.

Grad school. There, I said it. I miss school. I wanna go back. I don't care what I study. OK, I do. I don't want to journ again because I already had exceptional teachers and the best education I could have asked for with that. I'm thinking there are some awesome media programs in NYC I'd like to explore. There are in truth so many things I'd like to do, I would love to study cinema, or various topics in sociology/anthropology such as sex and gender in Indian culture, and fashion, and second generation patterns, and minority consumption of media. But I don't have the patience to teach people so, I will just get a Master's and hopefully score a writing gig that will one day get me to my goal of writer/blogger/columnist/media commentator/world dominator. :)

So that's the other thing that's taken up my time. Studying for the GRE, which I will be attempting in September. Wish me luck!

Now that I'm back on here, I'm here to stay. I've got a lot of stuff to say and I hope you want to here it. Life updates, crazy liberal rants, media analysis, you can find it all here. And also, I will do my best to keep bitch, please fresh. I really want to see that site grow and I think you will enjoy reading it. My place in life is as a writer, so from now one I am just going to own up to it and write as much as I possibly can.