Of late, for some reason I've been thinking a lot about interracial dating. Not that I never think about it but, it's been a frequent topic of discussion.
First, my coworker Jon attempted to bait me into a conversation about interracial dating and parental approval. Now you guys know I'm one of those bleeding-heart liberals, who has somewhat of an anything goes attitude in terms of social behavior. I haven't got any problems with it. People who disapprove of interracial dating based purely on skin color irk me. However, I do understand the argument for preserving ethnic ties.
In this convo I was the defender. I was asked whether my father would approve of me dating someone of another background and whether that would influence my behavior. Well of course, my dad and I rarely talk so, we've never even broached that subject. And I really could care less about his opinions. My mom has said she's cool with it, never explicitly to me but more implicitly, as she has voiced her disgust at other people's intolerance. Plus, she always like to point out that there are Latino and White people in her extended family. I don't know if she'd take the same laissez-faire attitude with her own daughter or son.
Honestly, I'm not sure who I see myself ending up with. I don't have much an initial attraction to Indian men. I want to preserve my culture. But most Konkani guys are somehow related to me and that's just not cool. Even that distant relationship - 10th cousin - doesn't appeal to me. I said this to my mom and brother yesterday and they were offended. Actually, they seemed to be more appalled when I told them how I don't really like Indian men. But, it's the truth. It's very rarely that I spot an Indian dude that I think is fine. Maybe 1 out of 10. I mean, I went to a school with a huge population of Indian guys and I don't want to sound judgemental but I'm turned off by the stereotypical things - gold chains, unibrows, extreme hairiness ( a genetic problem I too have), oily hair, the mama's boy spoiled attitude (which seems to be birthright with Indian guys, including those in my family). And I'm certainly not saying that all Indian guys look like this by any means... it's just well, initial attraction. Go ahead, call me shallow.
I'm not saying I find them all to be ugly, visually and personality wise. Quite frankly, we're one of the most populous groups of people out there. Surely there's a couple million guys I'd like to end up with. I would really like to have a brown baby. I know that sounds ridiculous and also potentially racist. But I want to keep the Indian looks alive. I want that child to feel a connection to the Indian subcontinent. Most of my relatives who are married to non-Indian have children who do not appear to be Indian in the least. And that's fine. But I want to pass down my ethnic features. Dark wavy hurr, etc. More Norah Jones, less Ben Kingsley. And I want my kid to have an ethnic identity. More than just symbolically donning Indian duds and eating tandoori chicken, I want them to
get my culture. Or just have an awareness, really.Problem is, all the guys I find myself attracted to usually have a girlfriend. And she's usually White. For instance, this weekend, saw the cutest guy at Wal-Mart. Lo and behold, a seconds later, his girlfriend rounds the corner and gives me that look.
As I said before, I 'm totally cool with interracial couples. But I barely ever see an Indian girl on a White guys arm. It's usually the other way around, the conquest of the White woman. Even in terms of marriages, Indian men in my family married outside their ethnicity but the other way around didn't really pan out. I can think of woman who married a White American, got divorced, and raised kids who seem to be totally oblivious to their roots, save for the fact that their mother is from another country.
What is it with me and these specific Indian guys? I have to wonder what this means about me. Do I just have a thing for unavailable guys? White-washed Indian boys? Why am I so judgemental against my own people? Have I totally absorbed and ingrained the popular notion that Asian men are undesirable?
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