Now I Know I'm an ABCD

(American-Born Confused Desi that is)



Of late, for some reason I've been thinking a lot about interracial dating. Not that I never think about it but, it's been a frequent topic of discussion.

First, my coworker Jon attempted to bait me into a conversation about interracial dating and parental approval. Now you guys know I'm one of those bleeding-heart liberals, who has somewhat of an anything goes attitude in terms of social behavior. I haven't got any problems with it. People who disapprove of interracial dating based purely on skin color irk me. However, I do understand the argument for preserving ethnic ties.

In this convo I was the defender. I was asked whether my father would approve of me dating someone of another background and whether that would influence my behavior. Well of course, my dad and I rarely talk so, we've never even broached that subject. And I really could care less about his opinions. My mom has said she's cool with it, never explicitly to me but more implicitly, as she has voiced her disgust at other people's intolerance. Plus, she always like to point out that there are Latino and White people in her extended family. I don't know if she'd take the same laissez-faire attitude with her own daughter or son.

Honestly, I'm not sure who I see myself ending up with. I don't have much an initial attraction to Indian men. I want to preserve my culture. But most Konkani guys are somehow related to me and that's just not cool. Even that distant relationship - 10th cousin - doesn't appeal to me. I said this to my mom and brother yesterday and they were offended. Actually, they seemed to be more appalled when I told them how I don't really like Indian men. But, it's the truth. It's very rarely that I spot an Indian dude that I think is fine. Maybe 1 out of 10. I mean, I went to a school with a huge population of Indian guys and I don't want to sound judgemental but I'm turned off by the stereotypical things - gold chains, unibrows, extreme hairiness ( a genetic problem I too have), oily hair, the mama's boy spoiled attitude (which seems to be birthright with Indian guys, including those in my family). And I'm certainly not saying that all Indian guys look like this by any means... it's just well, initial attraction. Go ahead, call me shallow.

I'm not saying I find them all to be ugly, visually and personality wise. Quite frankly, we're one of the most populous groups of people out there. Surely there's a couple million guys I'd like to end up with. I would really like to have a brown baby. I know that sounds ridiculous and also potentially racist. But I want to keep the Indian looks alive. I want that child to feel a connection to the Indian subcontinent. Most of my relatives who are married to non-Indian have children who do not appear to be Indian in the least. And that's fine. But I want to pass down my ethnic features. Dark wavy hurr, etc. More Norah Jones, less Ben Kingsley. And I want my kid to have an ethnic identity. More than just symbolically donning Indian duds and eating tandoori chicken, I want them to get my culture. Or just have an awareness, really.

Problem is, all the guys I find myself attracted to usually have a girlfriend. And she's usually White. For instance, this weekend, saw the cutest guy at Wal-Mart. Lo and behold, a seconds later, his girlfriend rounds the corner and gives me that look.

As I said before, I 'm totally cool with interracial couples. But I barely ever see an Indian girl on a White guys arm. It's usually the other way around, the conquest of the White woman. Even in terms of marriages, Indian men in my family married outside their ethnicity but the other way around didn't really pan out. I can think of woman who married a White American, got divorced, and raised kids who seem to be totally oblivious to their roots, save for the fact that their mother is from another country.

What is it with me and these specific Indian guys? I have to wonder what this means about me. Do I just have a thing for unavailable guys? White-washed Indian boys? Why am I so judgemental against my own people? Have I totally absorbed and ingrained the popular notion that Asian men are undesirable?

Twenty-two should mean freedom

The memoir was no one-time wonder as it turns out. I added a few more pages to it as well!

I also completed my 10 blog postings for Greenzone Online, though I have yet to get paid for them.

And yesterday I finally went out in Rockford, after not going out for and doing anything for at least a month.

But ugh. Seriously, lately all my family seems to be obsessed with is marriage. Like I guess since I'm sucking at the job department, the old people in my family figure I should be married off. Ummmmmm. So how do I explain my feminist point of view to them and the fact that at this point in my life, I could care less about getting married. Please, what kind of self respect would I have to move across the country and move in with someone I have nothing in common with? There really is no way to get them to understand I wouldn't even feel comfortable marrying someone who I hadn't known for an extended period of time.

I like the idea of marriage for that comfort factor, but do I want that in my life now? Hellz no. This girl just wanna have fun. And find employment, preferably at the same time.

Plus, how can they be so callous about it? I don't understand how they don't see marriage as the most important decision you could make in your life. Just settling. That is beyond tragic. My parents settled for each other and they've probably hated each other for as long as I've been alive. Do I they want that for me? And more importantly, why would I ever want that for myself?

Though I'm probably desperate for male attention right now, all I really want is attention. And free meals. And someone to attend romantic-ish movies with me. And someone to make out with. Someone who I must spend all my free time with? No thanks.

Awkwardness of all awkwardness, I basically attended an old-people party on Friday. My mom forced me there under false pretenses, something about this religious occasion blah blah. What I really found was a group of housewives with nothing to do as their children were grown and don't need them for anything anymore. They constantly spoke of the ways of the confusing ways of the 'young people,' who stubbornly refused to only care about getting married. Excuse us for wanting to accomplish things in our lives and not devote ourselves to men and baby-making.