The Great Depressing

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No wonder people mock my major. If I'd have known any of this was going to go down, I would have stayed in school for another two years or so. As much as I thought I was superior to the people doing the 5 year program for saving money on what I figured to be the same classes over again, I do believe they were the smart ones for continuing to stay isolated from the job search. I've already accumulated student loan debt, so really, I could have just kept it coming.

I don't believe that publications are dead. It's a rough time for everyone. So understandably, people can't afford subscriptions anymore - they see it as a luxury. That's cool. There's still online stuff. If I just take a look around at work, we're all cruising the Yahoo pages and various news sites. Accessible and cheap, I can get down with that.

On Saturday, I had a discussion with my new coworker, who's a nice woman and meant no unkindness to me. But the convo did end up damaging my ego to an extent. She compared me to her two children. Her eldest also graduated from a Rockford area high school in '04. But he was valedictorian. And he got a full ride through to his PhD (when he finishes). And he's a chem. engineer, which means, he's kinda guaranteed a job, even if our economy implodes.

Her daughter on the other hand, has a vague major, communications. She hasn't got much focus, blah blah blah. When I told said well-meaning person about my degree, she said, "And now you're working at a bank." As I said, that's the truth; I don't think she meant any disrespect. She was just stating a fact. It was even sadder to tell her I had once worked at the Trib.

But you know what, I will overcome. I don't want my life to be decided by age 22. I really don't want to have one job for the rest of my life. I will be a writer, a city dweller, a world traveller. So even though the recession bites and things could be a lot better, they could be worse too. At least I have ambition.

Get me outta here

I attended a job fair Saturday after work just to see what sort of opportunities are out there for me. Turns out there really aren't any ... around here. Rockford Jobapalooza was kind of a bust. First off, there was an informational app. we had to fill out when we got there and we had to categorize ourselves as 'boomerangs' - people who grew up here, moved away, and want to come back, 'resident boomerangs' - same thing, but these people actually live in town, etc. etc. None of the categories states, "born in Rockford, left, came back, but want to leave again." I believe that describes a yo-yo or something; a person who gets dragged back in but doesn't want to be there.
So I sucked it up and let myself be a resident boomerang.

So Sha'Donna and I went up to two tables and initiated some awkward banter with the two media companies. Of course, both were small firms and were looking to hire people with way more experience than either of us have. I tried to namedrop the Trib while I was there, but it really wasn't working too great. The place was packed, which wasn't surprising given the unemployment rate in town (almost 10%), but I was shocked to be among the top prospects there. I don't know who those companies were looking for, considering that most people weren't dressed up and didn't have any resume copies with them (who shows up at a fair without a resume?). It was obvious to us that we were waaay overqualified for the positions open.

This only drives me more to want to pump out some stellar cover letters. Lately, I'm getting dumber though. I can just feel the intelligence falling away. And talk about creativity block. It's hard to move out to the city, but I have to make it happen soon before my laziness completely outweighs my motivation.

My family's getting more exhausting to deal with. They've got their own frustrations and it's nice to be able to mope at home, but it's not a constructive atmosphere.

I'm not sure who to be more active than I was this summer, but I gotta kick it into gear.

Aghhh

So Dream Job called me today while I was at work.

An internship at Entertainment Weekly would be Sa-weeeeet! I'm afraid of calling this guy back though. When I applied for the job, interviews were set to be last week. And I thought I'd be visiting the East Coast for my interview in DC. So I told him that while I was currently in Rock-town, I'd probably be in the area around in interview time.

Once again, joke's on Divya. Quite fitting that once I got this nowheresville job, I'd end up with some sort of offers. I'm definitely not afraid to quit. I just don't want this to backfire. I don't want to call him tomorrow and have him say, well it's just too bad you live in Rockford and not NYC. We will be giving the job to an actual NY person. Cuz I mean, really, if the job starts in Oct, how am I realistically getting ALL my attire there?????

Well, I'll still call him. But I hope it won't be too awkward.

Moving on

It's funny that I've been so hesitant lately to just move the fuck away and start a life. I've always wanted to move out of Rockford and live in a state other than Illinois. So why is it that lately I've been concerned about not knowing anyone? About missing people? If my bumming summer has taught me anything, it should be that there is NOTHING left for me here.

As I waste the days watching TV, my Fridays and Saturdays wishing I could be out and about like I used to on the college campus, I'm realizing more and more that there are less things tying me to Rockford. Of course, I'll miss my friends. But I basically already miss them because it's very rare that I spend time with them. Most of my hometown friends have established their lives here and usually have to work or prefer to spend time with a significant other. Anyone else who would be in the same situation as myself seems to have at least migrated to Chicago.

As for family, I will probably always see them. My parents are getting older, but really I've been at home way too long. Now, we're all just stepping on each other's toes and getting on each other's nerves.

And oh ya, I haven't got a job lined up here either. It appears that I am over-qualified for the jobs I've applied to in Rockford and under-qualified for everything else. Which is great. And basically, a typical indicator of my life.

So yes, I'm hoping one of the city jobs I applied to likes me. Even though it is tremendously scary to move to a large city and know no one (when you are a desperate-for-attention type of person like myself), the possibility of meeting new and similar people is exciting. Dream situation - I move to the city, share an apartment in a hip/starving idealist neighborhood with a gay guy (so I can be his hag) and a like-minded girl, I work with awesome people, I meet some intelligent men who appreciate my intelligence and Midwestern non-jadedness. The beginning, not the end.