Lately, I've been having to sell myself a lot.
It's strange. I know I'm not the best person ever. (And how does one judge that anyway?) But still, I hate that I need to validate everything about myself. It's all a part of the process of course. But having to justify everything can kind of psyche you out. Make you think you're not as smart/qualified/talented, etc as you once thought.
Well, I need to get over it. I'm smart enough, good enough, and gosh dang it, I like me. :)
OK, so I'm unemployed. This is uncharted territory. I'm used to at least landing interest from retail places. And I'm not above a just-for-now job. I shouldn't have to completely lower my standards. I've decided to own who I am. To not be jealous of people who nab jobs. (I love my friends, but jealousy is a human flaw, so there I said it, I am proud and excited of other people but I do tend to think Why not me?).
Perhaps I'm supposed to be learning a lesson right now. Or perhaps that awesome job is just over the horizon. And I should just be patient. And the fact that I don't have a part-time in-between job just leaves me free to take off on a whim to interview for that job.
It's not self-delusion and fantasizing. It's dealing with the present.
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