I'm sitting here tonight typing this on my new lappie! I'm hoping to update this, and my other blog more often now, since the previous lappie was held together with heavy-duty tape and moved at the pace of a snail. Definite disincentive to write. So, readers, if you don't see me updating this thing often enough for your liking or if you know me well and hear that I'm slacking on any of my writing projects, remind me that I have a new machine and have no reason not to be writing!
I can afford to stay up as late as I want to mess around with this toy since tomorrow will be spent not at work, but rather, packing and shipping my baby brother off to college for his undergraduate year. Seems like he's still a child. I will probably refuse to ever see him as an adult. As of tomorrow, it'll just be me and my parents at home.
As of Sunday afternoon, the Amladi house will have an empty nest. Because I will be arriving in Boston. It's rather interesting this age gap I have with my brother. In these two years I stumbled around finding myself, he grew to college age. All the anxieties he feels about school I've already experienced. I recall just how scary it was to be alone on campus of 40,000+ hoping that my roommates would like me, that I would find a group of friends that would accept me quirks and all, and that I would not absolutely fail at school.
Six years later, I'm back where I'm started, slightly wiser for the wear. I possess all the same insecurities. Only this time, I have an established rapport with my roommates and bring with me an academic pedigree that demonstrates I can make it in school. The friend part is a little more terrifying (as is the love part... but hey, it's not like I've ever been good at finding love). I'm not a super-social butterfly but, I like people. I wouldn't call myself anti-social in any way. But it takes me a while to adjust. And to let people in. I just hate how vulnerable I am in unfamiliar settings. I don't want it to read as desperation, so I tend to isolate, so I can remain aloof.
Well, this is a big move. It's time for a fresh start. Old habits die hard, but I'm hoping to push my self way into the discomfort zone and enjoy life to the fullest.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Good Thoughts
I'm prone to jags of negativity. So I do have to apologize for the generally pessimistic and/or annoyingly self-depricating tone of my postings. So you don't think I'm a Debbie Downer, I've got to let you know that I can be a happy-go-lucky gal when the mood strikes.
Compliment of the day: I was at the car wash, which appeared to be pretty much unpatronized all day. When I pulled in, there was probably a crew of 20 young Latino men waiting to wash my car. I was definitely the center of attention. As I stood in the waiting room, the customer who came in after me chuckled to himself. "You sure are putting a twinkle in their eyes," he said to me.
Well, I'll take that. Being the object of attention for that brief 10-minute period (especially since I was make-up free and in rather drab clothes) really lifted my spirits. Boosted for the rest of the weekend.
Compliment of the day: I was at the car wash, which appeared to be pretty much unpatronized all day. When I pulled in, there was probably a crew of 20 young Latino men waiting to wash my car. I was definitely the center of attention. As I stood in the waiting room, the customer who came in after me chuckled to himself. "You sure are putting a twinkle in their eyes," he said to me.
Well, I'll take that. Being the object of attention for that brief 10-minute period (especially since I was make-up free and in rather drab clothes) really lifted my spirits. Boosted for the rest of the weekend.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Weighty things
It's the second week of my two-week free guest pass to Bally Total Fitness, courtesy of my girl Sha'Donna. I think they give out those things with the idea that a friend might use it once or twice and then forget about it, so they won't be out anything. Well, other than the weekend, I have been at Ballys every day for my workout. They probably didn't know what they were getting into when they made my pass. I will continue to be there every day until it expires.
And then, I might crash. I can see now how easy it is to get body-obsessed, and then, develop a disorder. I used to mock my coworker because he "needs" to eat a well-balanced lunch everyday and take a run and he divulged to me that when he eats sweets, he feels like he has to run off the fat from say, a cookie. Me and my inner fat kid, I could not understand what that was like. I've said it before and I'll reiterate, I have absolutely no will power. I love chocolate. I love dessert. I most especially love fried things.
I gained weight since I left college. I don't know how much because I refuse to weigh myself. This is because I KNOW I will be obsessed with weighing myself a lot and then will go into a downward spiral if my weight doesn't meet my expectations. I've never had problems with food in the past, but I have an obsessive personality. If something bothers me, I dwell. And when I dwell, I like to eat.
This past month, I've tried to eat healthy. Let me tell you, (fresh) blueberries in your oatmeal are the best! Not only is it a nutritious breakfast, but combining all that fiber with anti-oxidants is just as good as drinking a cup of coffee (which I drink now sugar-free for the past two years). Tonight I even made an omelet with spinach and tomatoes instead of eating the carbo-loaded rice my mother had prepared for herself. Now that I'm working out, I feel disgusting when I eat poorly.
When I eat something I probably shouldn't, such as frozen custard, a large order of cheese fries, etc., I think well, this is OK only if I work out later. I know that's not healthy. I know that eating some fat is OK. And I know the things I listed could be worse. Despite everything I know, I think otherwise. Just another issue to add to the list.
On the upside, today I stayed home from work to do an interview for an assistantship via webcam. Even though that felt like a total FAIL, when it was over, these two girls knocked on my door. They were from a local community group collecting change for families of domestic abuse survivors. I don't know if they were just buttering me up or if they were surprised to see me dressed up in my one really well-made work blouse in the middle of the afternoon, but I got an unexpected compliment. One of the girls said in shock when I opened the door, "You're really beautiful." Too bad she wasn't a grown man. I might have swooned.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Love and Other Uncomfortable Emotions
Today, I had a crisis to deal with.
My little brother's prom date caught mono and I spent the evening offering him guidance. Now, I spent part of the last month gently urging my brother to gather the courage to ask a date to prom. The first girl he asked turned him down. The second girl (this chick with mono) was a friend, who already had a boyfriend... but she agreed.
Cut to two nights before prom and my brother receives a text message stating that it will be highly unlikely she will be able to accompany him to the prom. Of course he already has the ticket, tux and corsage ordered. As the older sister, my heart went out to him. I really just wanted to fix the situation. I suggested he ask out his co-worker, and my mom and I helped him build up the nerve to do this. Turns out she had something else to do that night.
Yikes. I feel like I struck out with my brother. Love, even high school-style like can be a scary thing. Dances are the height of awkward. Especially landmark dances like homecoming and prom. You feel like you have to go, because it's prom. It won't mark your life; it shouldn't be the highlight of your life, but hey, it's part of the archetypal high school experience.
All this drama took me back to my own prom. I had a twisted self-image in high school. Not that I don't still have a terrible self-image, but at the time, I was confused into thinking that even though I didn't have any guys demonstrating interest in me, somebody would ask me out. I waited what seemed to be an acceptable amount of time, and then so I wouldn't look desperate or pathetic, I asked out a platonic friend, a coworker of mine that nobody at my school knew.
I don't for one second regret my prom date. I do regret: Ignoring my date as much as I did since I was having so much fun with my friend + Getting my make-up done at the Clinique counter at the mall. Never again Clinique!
Jerry was a good friend and I'm glad I picked a date I could have fun with. And one who was there to cater to me on my night. However, I do on some level, wish that I had pushed myself romantically. Gone outside the safety zone, so to speak. Cut to six years later and I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with the uncomfortable. As a result, I would say that I've never been on a date date (with someone who wasn't just a friend) that I enjoyed.
Here's hoping I can be brave enough to explore my feelings and find myself on a real date with a guy I'm crushing on within the next six years!
My little brother's prom date caught mono and I spent the evening offering him guidance. Now, I spent part of the last month gently urging my brother to gather the courage to ask a date to prom. The first girl he asked turned him down. The second girl (this chick with mono) was a friend, who already had a boyfriend... but she agreed.
Cut to two nights before prom and my brother receives a text message stating that it will be highly unlikely she will be able to accompany him to the prom. Of course he already has the ticket, tux and corsage ordered. As the older sister, my heart went out to him. I really just wanted to fix the situation. I suggested he ask out his co-worker, and my mom and I helped him build up the nerve to do this. Turns out she had something else to do that night.
Yikes. I feel like I struck out with my brother. Love, even high school-style like can be a scary thing. Dances are the height of awkward. Especially landmark dances like homecoming and prom. You feel like you have to go, because it's prom. It won't mark your life; it shouldn't be the highlight of your life, but hey, it's part of the archetypal high school experience.
All this drama took me back to my own prom. I had a twisted self-image in high school. Not that I don't still have a terrible self-image, but at the time, I was confused into thinking that even though I didn't have any guys demonstrating interest in me, somebody would ask me out. I waited what seemed to be an acceptable amount of time, and then so I wouldn't look desperate or pathetic, I asked out a platonic friend, a coworker of mine that nobody at my school knew.
I don't for one second regret my prom date. I do regret: Ignoring my date as much as I did since I was having so much fun with my friend + Getting my make-up done at the Clinique counter at the mall. Never again Clinique!
Jerry was a good friend and I'm glad I picked a date I could have fun with. And one who was there to cater to me on my night. However, I do on some level, wish that I had pushed myself romantically. Gone outside the safety zone, so to speak. Cut to six years later and I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with the uncomfortable. As a result, I would say that I've never been on a date date (with someone who wasn't just a friend) that I enjoyed.
Here's hoping I can be brave enough to explore my feelings and find myself on a real date with a guy I'm crushing on within the next six years!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Grad-uating
As I've stated before, Syracuse so far is the only graduate school to have accepted me. And to offer me a fellowship, which I don't have to do anything for (except be multi-cultural and pursue interests I already had!!).
Well, I visited Syracuse for its Open House. And I learned three things that endear it to me, as it reminds me of my undergrad institution.
1. SU, like U of I, had a racist Native American mascot that people protested against which then had to be removed.
2. The same school colors. I can wear my blue and orange shirts inside out!
3. Renowned for its great basketball and terrible footballs teams.
Ah, Syracuse I feel like I know you well.
A downfall: the airport was tiny. My plane was delayed like alllllllll day. Seriously. Last time this happened, I had my coworkers to drink with and distract me. All I had in the Syracuse Hancock Airport was my thoughts. Oh, and a DVD of California Dreams, season one. Because each episode was roughly 20 minutes, I went through that baby pretty fast. The airline attendants were really helpful though, I'm not sure people in Chi would have been as understanding since they see thousands more passengers every day.
Well, I visited Syracuse for its Open House. And I learned three things that endear it to me, as it reminds me of my undergrad institution.
1. SU, like U of I, had a racist Native American mascot that people protested against which then had to be removed.
2. The same school colors. I can wear my blue and orange shirts inside out!
3. Renowned for its great basketball and terrible footballs teams.
Ah, Syracuse I feel like I know you well.
A downfall: the airport was tiny. My plane was delayed like alllllllll day. Seriously. Last time this happened, I had my coworkers to drink with and distract me. All I had in the Syracuse Hancock Airport was my thoughts. Oh, and a DVD of California Dreams, season one. Because each episode was roughly 20 minutes, I went through that baby pretty fast. The airline attendants were really helpful though, I'm not sure people in Chi would have been as understanding since they see thousands more passengers every day.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
See You at the Movies
So, the Oscars are going on right now. They're in the middle of the boring technical awards. I hate to say that because I was once a theatre techie in high school, which is the equivalent to the cinema techies, but all those categories in the middle do extend the awards show too much.
To pass the time, I'm compiling my own best/worst/most anticipated film list.
Favorite Movies
1. This Is It - Do I have to explain this one to you? I think if 10 movies were nominated, this one should have made the cut. It has drama, heart, heartbreak, a personal look at the man behind the hits, amazing music and mind-blowing awesome dancing. Speaking of nominations, why didn't a song from the soundtrack make the cut instead of one of those tired Randy Newman songs? Unless you absolutely hate Michael Jackson (or his music) with every fiber of your being, I think you'd enjoy this behind-the-scenes look.
2. Avatar - It has made more money than any movie ever. I think that explains it all. There are crazy special effects, an interesting (though conflicting) storyline, and great action scenes.
3. Star Trek - This movie speaks to men and women. You got the action for the men and all the cute, slightly nerdy eye candy a girl could want. And I believe this movie can cross the sci-fi boundary as well. If you're into the whole Star Trek mythology thing, you'd probably get a kick out of the whole parallel universe thing and the cameo from Leonard Nimoy. And if you know nothing about Star Trek (like me), you get to see an engaging origin story.
4. Up - Pixar gets it right every time.
5. The Hangover - This movie has no pretensions. It is what it is - a raunchy comedy. What I like about this film is that it features guys who are actually funny instead of so-called comedy stars. With guys like comedian Zach Galifianakis and the Office's Ed Helms on board, you knew this thing had to be funny. Every single thing in this movie is so random, you can't help but laugh. A tiger in the bathroom? YES! It doesn't fare as well on second viewing, but with the Mike Tyson cameo, you know why this was the best-selling comedy film (DVD)of all time.
Most Over-hyped
1. Julie and Julia - An OK movie, but I don't get why Meryl Streep was nominated other than because she is Meryl Streep. The main character was ridiculously whiny and I know as a writer/blogger I should sympathize with her, but I can't. She was a total ass to her husband.
2. Inglorious Basterds - I just don't get it. There were too many subplots and I just don't think they were all developed. This movie was long, so really as the viewer, I felt like I deserved a better story. I get that it was supposed to be something of a farce, but nothing made me laugh. I've liked some Quentin Taratino films, but I'm not totally sold on his brand of in-joke hyper-violent machismo pop-culture chop-shop movies.
3. (500) Days of Summer - I've long been a fan of Zooey Deschanel with her wide-eyed sarcastic fake innocence and quirky quips and Joseph Gordon-Levitt has aged well. From Ten Things I Hate About You, to 500 Days, he has retained the same dimples but really grown into an attractive man. I really wanted to like this movie, which was described as being a romantic film guys could like too. But I was left frustrated. The main character needed to man up and stop mooning over the girl who clearly just wanted to be friends with benefits. Honestly, I thought the song-and-dance number was just a gimmick; it wasn't as memorable as critics described.
4. New Moon - Ugh. Twilight. At least the first movie had some charm. Switching directors just changed up the whole tone of the film. Absolutely the only thing this movie had going for it was Taylor Lautner's abs. Not saying the abs weren't nice, but they could not compensate for the terrible posturing (wouldn't call it acting) and limp script.
5. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - Movies just never make that same connection that books do. I read all the books and though I wasn't a Pot(ter)head, I enjoyed them. I was engaged in the story and felt Dumbledore's death, but with the film, his death just didn't carry the same weight. They need to hurry up with the last film(s) cuz those young adults are getting too old to pass for teens.
Movies I Look Forward to Watching on DVD
1. Precious - One day, I hope to be like Sapphire, sitting in the audience crying tears of joy when the film script based on one of my novels (or book of short stories) wins an Oscar. I looooved the book Push and I cannot wait to see the film translation. Even just watching clips of Monique and Gabi's performances got to me.
2. Hurt Locker - I really hope it lives up to its awards hype. And I love that a woman made this movie and it's not an overtly female movie. It's the little movie that could, which instantly endears me to it.
3. Up In the Air - I'm intrigued to see if George Clooney's acting is really as good as everyone says it is because I'm convinced he plays the same charmer fast-talker type in all of his movies. That being said, it seems like a really topical movie and I read the director used a lot of real people in bit roles.
To pass the time, I'm compiling my own best/worst/most anticipated film list.
Favorite Movies
1. This Is It - Do I have to explain this one to you? I think if 10 movies were nominated, this one should have made the cut. It has drama, heart, heartbreak, a personal look at the man behind the hits, amazing music and mind-blowing awesome dancing. Speaking of nominations, why didn't a song from the soundtrack make the cut instead of one of those tired Randy Newman songs? Unless you absolutely hate Michael Jackson (or his music) with every fiber of your being, I think you'd enjoy this behind-the-scenes look.
2. Avatar - It has made more money than any movie ever. I think that explains it all. There are crazy special effects, an interesting (though conflicting) storyline, and great action scenes.
3. Star Trek - This movie speaks to men and women. You got the action for the men and all the cute, slightly nerdy eye candy a girl could want. And I believe this movie can cross the sci-fi boundary as well. If you're into the whole Star Trek mythology thing, you'd probably get a kick out of the whole parallel universe thing and the cameo from Leonard Nimoy. And if you know nothing about Star Trek (like me), you get to see an engaging origin story.
4. Up - Pixar gets it right every time.
5. The Hangover - This movie has no pretensions. It is what it is - a raunchy comedy. What I like about this film is that it features guys who are actually funny instead of so-called comedy stars. With guys like comedian Zach Galifianakis and the Office's Ed Helms on board, you knew this thing had to be funny. Every single thing in this movie is so random, you can't help but laugh. A tiger in the bathroom? YES! It doesn't fare as well on second viewing, but with the Mike Tyson cameo, you know why this was the best-selling comedy film (DVD)of all time.
Most Over-hyped
1. Julie and Julia - An OK movie, but I don't get why Meryl Streep was nominated other than because she is Meryl Streep. The main character was ridiculously whiny and I know as a writer/blogger I should sympathize with her, but I can't. She was a total ass to her husband.
2. Inglorious Basterds - I just don't get it. There were too many subplots and I just don't think they were all developed. This movie was long, so really as the viewer, I felt like I deserved a better story. I get that it was supposed to be something of a farce, but nothing made me laugh. I've liked some Quentin Taratino films, but I'm not totally sold on his brand of in-joke hyper-violent machismo pop-culture chop-shop movies.
3. (500) Days of Summer - I've long been a fan of Zooey Deschanel with her wide-eyed sarcastic fake innocence and quirky quips and Joseph Gordon-Levitt has aged well. From Ten Things I Hate About You, to 500 Days, he has retained the same dimples but really grown into an attractive man. I really wanted to like this movie, which was described as being a romantic film guys could like too. But I was left frustrated. The main character needed to man up and stop mooning over the girl who clearly just wanted to be friends with benefits. Honestly, I thought the song-and-dance number was just a gimmick; it wasn't as memorable as critics described.
4. New Moon - Ugh. Twilight. At least the first movie had some charm. Switching directors just changed up the whole tone of the film. Absolutely the only thing this movie had going for it was Taylor Lautner's abs. Not saying the abs weren't nice, but they could not compensate for the terrible posturing (wouldn't call it acting) and limp script.
5. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - Movies just never make that same connection that books do. I read all the books and though I wasn't a Pot(ter)head, I enjoyed them. I was engaged in the story and felt Dumbledore's death, but with the film, his death just didn't carry the same weight. They need to hurry up with the last film(s) cuz those young adults are getting too old to pass for teens.
Movies I Look Forward to Watching on DVD
1. Precious - One day, I hope to be like Sapphire, sitting in the audience crying tears of joy when the film script based on one of my novels (or book of short stories) wins an Oscar. I looooved the book Push and I cannot wait to see the film translation. Even just watching clips of Monique and Gabi's performances got to me.
2. Hurt Locker - I really hope it lives up to its awards hype. And I love that a woman made this movie and it's not an overtly female movie. It's the little movie that could, which instantly endears me to it.
3. Up In the Air - I'm intrigued to see if George Clooney's acting is really as good as everyone says it is because I'm convinced he plays the same charmer fast-talker type in all of his movies. That being said, it seems like a really topical movie and I read the director used a lot of real people in bit roles.
I Need to Watch More Jimmy Fallon
Months ago, I caught a bit on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon where Mark-Paul Gosselaar showed up as his alter ego, Zach Morris. That character, with his oversize '90s cell phone and his super-bleached blond hair taught me all I needed to about teenagerhood on the early '90s Saturday morning (and subsequent TBS staple) TV show, Saved By the Bell. I'm not even going to dignify any ignorance by explaining the plot of that pop-cultural icon. What I will say is if you grew up in the '80s and '90s, that was your shit.
What was Mark/Zach on hand to talk about? Why, the reunion of the one-hit wonder band, Zach Attack. Or rather, the Jimmy-Fallon facilitated reunion of Saved By the Bell. In my geeky way, I got excited. Very excited. OMG, if only all the actors would show up as their characters. Slater and Jessie would totally be married by now.
I'm not a big Fallon watcher. My allegiance is to Craig Ferguson and his total abandon of late-night show conventions. But every once in a while, Fallon surprises me by doing something that speaks to the cheesy core of me. Like with the aforementioned bit or with his acoustic version of "Pants on the Ground."
Well, turns out that the reunion can't happen. Fail! Right? Wrong. Jimmy Fallon more than compensated by reuniting the cast of California Dreams and having them present their title song. Why, I reaaaallllllly thought they were lip-syncing.
Thank goodness for Entertainment Weekly. Even though they didn't hire me to intern for the Website, I am still a faithful reader of EW.com. It feeds my pop candy tooth. Without them, I'd never have seen this clip. I was so geeked watching it at work on Friday. Reading through the comments on the EW blog, I felt like I had located my kinsman. These are my people. And hey, there were other people wondering why shy hottie Mark Winkle didn't get a nod on air. I was shocked to learn other people think like me.
California Dreams was no Saved By the Bell, but shoot those kids had a band, which magnified their hotness factor times 10. And there was an Asian character! And she dated the Black drummer! And I was so in love with Mark Winkle, the replacement lead male singer. This past summer, I discovered that Rockford Public Library stocked my beloved show and I rushed home with my rentals. The quality of the film does NOT stand up. But, man do I love every one of those so-terrible-it's-good story lines.
Read their comments here:
http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/03/05/jimmy-fallon-california-dreams-reunion/
Hire me, please, EW!
What was Mark/Zach on hand to talk about? Why, the reunion of the one-hit wonder band, Zach Attack. Or rather, the Jimmy-Fallon facilitated reunion of Saved By the Bell. In my geeky way, I got excited. Very excited. OMG, if only all the actors would show up as their characters. Slater and Jessie would totally be married by now.
I'm not a big Fallon watcher. My allegiance is to Craig Ferguson and his total abandon of late-night show conventions. But every once in a while, Fallon surprises me by doing something that speaks to the cheesy core of me. Like with the aforementioned bit or with his acoustic version of "Pants on the Ground."
Well, turns out that the reunion can't happen. Fail! Right? Wrong. Jimmy Fallon more than compensated by reuniting the cast of California Dreams and having them present their title song. Why, I reaaaallllllly thought they were lip-syncing.
Thank goodness for Entertainment Weekly. Even though they didn't hire me to intern for the Website, I am still a faithful reader of EW.com. It feeds my pop candy tooth. Without them, I'd never have seen this clip. I was so geeked watching it at work on Friday. Reading through the comments on the EW blog, I felt like I had located my kinsman. These are my people. And hey, there were other people wondering why shy hottie Mark Winkle didn't get a nod on air. I was shocked to learn other people think like me.
California Dreams was no Saved By the Bell, but shoot those kids had a band, which magnified their hotness factor times 10. And there was an Asian character! And she dated the Black drummer! And I was so in love with Mark Winkle, the replacement lead male singer. This past summer, I discovered that Rockford Public Library stocked my beloved show and I rushed home with my rentals. The quality of the film does NOT stand up. But, man do I love every one of those so-terrible-it's-good story lines.
Read their comments here:
http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/03/05/jimmy-fallon-california-dreams-reunion/
Hire me, please, EW!
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