Reflections

So far, I've not done any of the serious journalistic reviewing I promised. I'm very sorry, clearly I can't get past talking about myself but as soon as I get over my class work slump, I will get a little serious (not too much).

I realized that next weekend is the last full weekend before everything explodes. Holy shit! Where did the last four years go? This week is a blur to me; every morning I get up and it dawns on me that a week has gone by (I swear it was just the weekend!!). The weekend after that - the first one in May - finals start. And of course, that Saturday, I have to have a final (on my birthday, lame!). Then, the next weekend is graduation. Sighhhhhh

I can already tell I'm going to go insane living at home. Just talking to my mother on the phone is getting exhausting. Found out yesterday that I get to graduate with honors, and that one of my teachers nominated me for a monetary award, so now I get $500 when I graduate. The $500 is pretty amazing, not gonna complain. BUT I know the reason I did so well isn't cuz I'm that much smarter than other people in Comm (now Media), it's because they all work for the DI and they don't have time to go to class/complete their assignments. I like this honor; I'm proud of it but a lot of times I wish I had taken that route. I got complacent because of my classes and I thought GO was enough. It's been a great editorial experience, but when it comes down to it, my clips are worthless. I wonder how I will get a job off of them. Sighhhhhh. I need to freelance like for free.
Honestly, I just need to find a way to profit.

Staying in Rockford was something I never considered as an option, but life snuck up on me and obviously, there's nothing else I can do than return home and apply for things from there. I do wish that I had at least gotten an internship at Chicago Magazine, something to bridge the gap. I looked up alternative media and blogging sites for Rockford and couldn't find any. There are so many here, how can there be absolutely nothing other than the Register Star there? If you guys know of any outlets I could write for at least near there and link this baby up to, let me know!

Leaving this campus scares me in many ways too. I feel like so many people are moving on, not too many friends will be left in the area. And the thought of moving somewhere new where I don't know anyone scares me too. How am I going to cover entertainment-type things if I have to attend them by myself? I saw this German movie, The Forest for the Trees, and it troubled me cuz it's about this woman who moves to a city for work, who has no friends in her new town. Her job overwhelms her and her loneliness consumes her. So depressing. I feel dependent in some ways, because though I like my privacy, I need to be in other people's company. When I worked at the Tribune and Maria had gone to Colombia, those two weeks were sometimes liberating, but also sad. I can't go all day without talking to someone. And how will I ever break the perpetually single cycle??? I dislike going to night-time spots by myself. And carless in Rockford, I surely will not meet anyone.

So not to get myself or you too down, I'm going to get out tonight and DANCE to my heart's content.