The last few days of my life have been interesting . . . Week 2 of loafing about the house is settling in. I've applied to a lot of jobs, but I feel like they are all high-volume, so who knows if I will hear back about 90 percent of the positions. I'm hoping RVC calls me tomorrow and tells me the copy editing test for the Fort Wayne, IN paper has arrived, so I can take it and feel like I'm a step closer on that process.
In another 2 weeks, my mom and brother are leaving for India, so I will have to learn to cohabitate with my father. I'm hoping that I stay strong on the job front, and get some hope as to a position that fits me, so I don't have to apply for some short-term secretarial positions. Something about being at home just makes me lazy and kills my creativity. Perhaps I should go to the bookstore with my laptop and write up a stack of cover letters? I just lack the mental energy to write them. I know what I want, but do I have the balls/courage/cheesy phrase, etc. to go get it? I don't want to look like this bum who had so much potential.
Anyway, two simple moments this week(end) caused me to reflect a bit on some life philosophy. The first thing that happened is a sad reflection of my family life. Friday afternoon, my brother and I walked to the Carlson Elementary School Park cuz it was nice out and why not? When he was young, we'd go there and I swing and he'd slide or whatever. This child was terribly afraid of swinging. I, on the other hand, love it. To the point that I still set myself down on a swing when I come across one. I love that weightless feeling at the peak of the swinging arch. The idea that you can lift yourself off the ground, power yourself to almost fly! If bungee jumping wasn't so damn scary looking with the heights and the equipment, I would do that too. Swings are a great place for contemplation as well.
But getting back to the post at hand, my little brother finally learned to push himself on a swing. At 15. Yikes. Now all he has to do is learn to ride a bike. I feel like these are things kids should instinctually be able to do at his age. But it just goes to show how my family can allow inadequacies to fester so we are more dependent on them. My brother was too afraid to push himself off the ground. On Friday though, he was too big for me to push. I left him alone. He learned to pump his feet. That's how kids need to learn. That's how I need to learn, even as an adult. I don't want that constant supervision, the constant cut-off to my growth. I know in India kids' personalities are pretty well squashed and they are super super reliant on their parents until they get married and WHAM, they have to learn it all themselves. But that doesn't fly with me. I like the gradual process.
You know, the transitions. Those can be beautiful, if executed well. (This transition that I'm in now is quite the opposite). And speaking of transitions,
here's one:
The highlight of Friday was my viewing of the Sex and the City film with some of my Auburn gals. I was never a huge follower of the show. I've only seen the PG-version on TBS and WGN and I know the abridged version doesn't quite capture the flavor of the original. And I had mixed feeling about the show too. The main characters are so spoiled, so self-indulgent. I didn't want to identify with them. I think if I watched the full series in sequential order though, I'd discover that they are mirrors of my own various insecurities and I'd be able to identify with the show better.
But the movie, that was identifiable. I might be the opposite of these girls, in my twenties and free floating, but their friendship is something I want for myself. This movie was not about sex but love and not man-woman love but rather, friend love. I need girlfriends such as these. Who are there for me in all the ways a man can't be. I think it's true that in college I was surrounded by girlfriends who could comfort my neurosis, adapt to my interests, and whom I could just plain have fun with. I didn't necessarily feel the absence of a lover in my life. There were definitely times I wished for magical coupledom, but it was usually to get out of awkward social situations. Now that I'm sans my girls, I feel that lack. I've become that girl who just wants a man. What I'm saying is not that I need a man (I do want one for comfort's sake and everything else, but still...), I'm saying I desire that beautiful, near-selfless relationship that Carrie and her girls have. I don't know how accurate that portrait is, but I'd like to believe it. I need me a crew that's there by my side with no cajoling, mixing me up some cocktails when they know my day has gone bad. SATC gave me faith that despite the petty squabbles, girlfriendom can be a true sisterhood.
So, for those who haven't seen it, I recommend seeing this movie with your girls (and throwing back a few martinis) and cementing your bond.
In another 2 weeks, my mom and brother are leaving for India, so I will have to learn to cohabitate with my father. I'm hoping that I stay strong on the job front, and get some hope as to a position that fits me, so I don't have to apply for some short-term secretarial positions. Something about being at home just makes me lazy and kills my creativity. Perhaps I should go to the bookstore with my laptop and write up a stack of cover letters? I just lack the mental energy to write them. I know what I want, but do I have the balls/courage/cheesy phrase, etc. to go get it? I don't want to look like this bum who had so much potential.
Anyway, two simple moments this week(end) caused me to reflect a bit on some life philosophy. The first thing that happened is a sad reflection of my family life. Friday afternoon, my brother and I walked to the Carlson Elementary School Park cuz it was nice out and why not? When he was young, we'd go there and I swing and he'd slide or whatever. This child was terribly afraid of swinging. I, on the other hand, love it. To the point that I still set myself down on a swing when I come across one. I love that weightless feeling at the peak of the swinging arch. The idea that you can lift yourself off the ground, power yourself to almost fly! If bungee jumping wasn't so damn scary looking with the heights and the equipment, I would do that too. Swings are a great place for contemplation as well.
But getting back to the post at hand, my little brother finally learned to push himself on a swing. At 15. Yikes. Now all he has to do is learn to ride a bike. I feel like these are things kids should instinctually be able to do at his age. But it just goes to show how my family can allow inadequacies to fester so we are more dependent on them. My brother was too afraid to push himself off the ground. On Friday though, he was too big for me to push. I left him alone. He learned to pump his feet. That's how kids need to learn. That's how I need to learn, even as an adult. I don't want that constant supervision, the constant cut-off to my growth. I know in India kids' personalities are pretty well squashed and they are super super reliant on their parents until they get married and WHAM, they have to learn it all themselves. But that doesn't fly with me. I like the gradual process.
You know, the transitions. Those can be beautiful, if executed well. (This transition that I'm in now is quite the opposite). And speaking of transitions,
here's one:
The highlight of Friday was my viewing of the Sex and the City film with some of my Auburn gals. I was never a huge follower of the show. I've only seen the PG-version on TBS and WGN and I know the abridged version doesn't quite capture the flavor of the original. And I had mixed feeling about the show too. The main characters are so spoiled, so self-indulgent. I didn't want to identify with them. I think if I watched the full series in sequential order though, I'd discover that they are mirrors of my own various insecurities and I'd be able to identify with the show better.
But the movie, that was identifiable. I might be the opposite of these girls, in my twenties and free floating, but their friendship is something I want for myself. This movie was not about sex but love and not man-woman love but rather, friend love. I need girlfriends such as these. Who are there for me in all the ways a man can't be. I think it's true that in college I was surrounded by girlfriends who could comfort my neurosis, adapt to my interests, and whom I could just plain have fun with. I didn't necessarily feel the absence of a lover in my life. There were definitely times I wished for magical coupledom, but it was usually to get out of awkward social situations. Now that I'm sans my girls, I feel that lack. I've become that girl who just wants a man. What I'm saying is not that I need a man (I do want one for comfort's sake and everything else, but still...), I'm saying I desire that beautiful, near-selfless relationship that Carrie and her girls have. I don't know how accurate that portrait is, but I'd like to believe it. I need me a crew that's there by my side with no cajoling, mixing me up some cocktails when they know my day has gone bad. SATC gave me faith that despite the petty squabbles, girlfriendom can be a true sisterhood.
So, for those who haven't seen it, I recommend seeing this movie with your girls (and throwing back a few martinis) and cementing your bond.
2 comments:
oh my goodness, i saw SATC with Leslie and all of her gay boyfriends. The gays made everyone dress up. I don't think Savoy has ever seen such style. This was a really good post. :)
I want gays who make me dress up!
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